135,000 Children are adopted every year... But Briar never thought she would be one of them.
She is broken and too far gone to repair.
18 year old Billie Eilish jumps into the unknown world of parenthood as she tries to save a little girl who deserv...
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BILLIE'S POV
It only took 24 hours for me to receive my acceptance letter from the orphanage. SHE IS MINE! My Mom and I are meeting her and a social care worker tomorrow afternoon at a little Cafe a block away from the orphanage. I am so excited I don't even know how to control myself. My Dad and Finneas have been helping me set up ready for her arrival. I had already child-proofed the house a few months back so that the social workers would sign off on the house so all we were left to do was buy her some essentials such as clothes, food and hygiene products and put together her bed, sound machine and booster seat. It is going to be challenging to get to sleep tonight. I just can't wait until tomorrow!
I was right... last night was hard to say the least. I just couldn't settle and get to sleep, I was just so restless because I was so excited to meet her. It wasn't until about 4 am that I finally calmed enough to even think about trying to sleep but then my mind picked up the slack and started to run in circles. Every bad scenario that I could come up with crossed my mind. For example, What if she chokes on her food at the Cafe and dies? What if she trips on the curb and gets run over by a car? What if she dies in her sleep? Or simply, what if she doesn't like me? It resulted in me getting only 2 hours sleep when my mind finally gave up and decided to allow me to rest at 8 this morning and now I need to get ready quickly. The Cafe is about 45 minutes away from home and we need to be there by 12 so I have 1 hour and 15 minutes to get ready for the day and make sure everything is ready at home just in case everything goes well and she is sent home with us today. Her social worker told us not to get our hopes up because it can take Briar a while to warm up to someone but I can't help but hope.
The drive to the Cafe felt endless. Mom decided she would drive because I was in no state of mind to drive and would probably get us into an accident so I was left watching out the window. Mom had her usually horrible playlist playing in the background and on a normal day I would complain and offer to replace it with my own but today it was far from the first thought in my mind. Every bad thought that I had last night returned and I couldn't help but get sucked into the whirlwind of emotions that it left behind. The idea of anything happening to Briar left tears in my eyes. I know it's silly because I haven't even interacted with her before but from the moment I met her, I knew she was suppose to be mine and it felt like I had known her for years. If something was to have happened to her between meeting her at the orphanage and the meeting today, I would have mourned like she was my child. Maybe I am just an emotional being. I think my Mom noticed my mood shift because as we waited at a red light, she leaned over and grabbed my hand, snapping me out of my daze. "Everything will be okay Billie, I promise". "How do you know that?" I reply as the tears that I had been keeping back started to fall down my face. "Because as I always say, I trust your gut. Your gut would have never clung onto the idea that you wanted her if you couldn't handle it. You CAN handle it, you are so strong. And if anything happens in the future, then it is out of your control. All you can do is love her and give her the home and family she deserves now so that if anything happens in the future, you can say that you loved her as much as you could and gave her the best home you could. Okay?" My Mom wipes the tears from cheeks as she places a kiss on my hand. "Okay" I reply as I smile in return. She is right. I can do this. There is no need to doubt myself. I will be the Mother that she deserves and give her the home she longs for and deserves.
It wasn't long after Mom and I's talk that we arrived at the Cafe. That's when my nerves heightened higher then the clouds but I just swallowed and kept it inside. "I can do this this. I am strong" I repeated in my head as I hopped out of the car and followed behind my Mom as we entered the Cafe. I couldn't spot them as I looked around so we took an empty booth by the back of the Cafe so that we could be hidden away and have some privacy. I was worried that I would be recognised by the people around us but there aren't many people in the Cafe. I couldn't help but tap my foot on the ground as my Mom ordered herself a coffee with sugar and no milk and myself a lemonade. "Don't worry... they will be here. Just breathe" My Mom whispered in my ear as she rubbed circles on my shoulders with her thumb. I took a deep breathe in for 4 seconds and exhaled for 4 seconds as she had taught my Brother and I when we were little and repeated it until I could feel my heart rate start to calm and my hands stopped shaking. "Thank you Mom" I replied with a smile. "Always sweetheart" My Mom smiles.
It isn't for another 25 minutes that she walks into the Cafe. I could recognise her beautiful blonde hair and mesmerising blue eyes anywhere. Holding her hand was another women that I haven't seen before. It must be her social worker. My Mom waved them over as I am too shocked to do so. The women smiles and points us out to Briar before walking over to our table with Briar trailing slowly behind her. "Sorry we are late, we had a bit of trouble getting Briar ready to go this morning but we are here now. I would have texted you but I forgot to write down your number from your file. I can be such a klutz sometimes" The women chuckles as she takes a seat and slides across the bench, then helps Briar sit to her left. "That is no problem, we were running a little late too. Traffic is pretty terrible today" My Mom chuckles back as I sit in shock, staring at the young child sat in front of me. "I know right, it must be because of the soccer game playing 10 blocks away" the women replies as she pulls off her jacket. She offers to help Briar pull off her jacket but she crosses her arms and refuses so the women leaves it at that. "Sorry, I haven't even introduced myself yet. My name is Sophie Hall, and as you know this is Briar" she smiles as she places a comforting hand on Briar's arm. "You must be Billie" she smiles as she offers me her other hand. I happily shake her hand and smile, willing my nerves to settle. "Yes, that's me. It's nice to meet you" I reply as my voice shakes. "It's okay to be nervous, this is a big step" Sophie smiles kindly in my direction. "That's what I was saying in the car" my Mom kisses my forehead and rubs my back gently.
A waitress comes over to the table and takes Sophie's order of a hot chocolate and an apple juice for Briar who hid away when the waitress addressed her.
"So Billie... tell me a little about yourself and your family" Sophie asks as she dunks a wafer into her hot chocolate. "Umm... There is so much to say" I chuckle as my nerves start to calm. "My full name is Billie Eilish Pirate Baird O'connell and I am 19 years old. I live with my Mom who is sat next to me and my Dad Patrick but I also have an older brother named Finneas who lives with his girlfriend Claudia. We have a dog names Pepper who is really friendly and loves to cuddle on the sofa. I am vegan so I don't eat meat or any animal products but my parents are vegetarian. My favourite food is burritos and my hobbies are singing, writing music, driving in my car and baking". "You love Dogs too don't you Briar and you love to bake so that sounds fun doesn't it" Sophie smiles down towards Briar but she just looks at her hands that are rested on her lap. She hasn't really looked up from her lap or touched her drink but this is a very nerve-racking experience and it must not be easy with her social anxiety to come and meet a couple of strangers. "I have a few questions for you Billie that I know Briar will want to know if that is alright?" Sophie asks me as she takes another sip from her drink. "Of course" I reply with a smile. "You said that you are vegan and your parents are vegetarian. What will Briar be?" "Briar will be vegetarian for the time being because it is a big transition to go from eating everything to cutting out everything you usually eat but if she decides she wants to go vegan like me when she is older and understands what it means that I will not object" I reply. "You said that your Brother lives with his girlfriend. How often do they come to your house?" "Pretty much every 2 days unless we are both busy but he is always over on the weekends" I reply as I smile towards Briar who briefly looked up from her lap before noticing that I was looking at her and then dropped her head back down. "Will Briar be sharing a room with you or will she be staying in her own room?" "You will be staying in my room for a couple of months but then we are moving into a new house where you will have a room all to yourself" I direct to Briar.
