That Boy

Leaving...

"John," I looked to him as he was leaving to go home, "Good luck. Come back and visit me as often as you can." As I was getting ready to start school in five days John had to make it back to college. He was going to be a doctor and still had seven more years to go. He'd started college but then dropped out and missed two years because he wanted to be there for me while I was sick. Now he was going back to finish his last six. He'd put his whole life aside for me, to help me. For that I was thankful. But now he needed to go, get his life back on track because I was okay.

"You idiot. Your mom offered to drive me to the airport tomorrow morning. Better get your butt up to see me off." He grinned and walked out to his car. His parents had kind of off and left after he graduated and gave him money for college and life. Their house was paid off but they made payments on it when he lived there. It almost got to the point that he kind of lived with me. Most of the last five years he'd spent in the hospital with me, at my house, or at the ice cream shop. "I'll see you tomorrow Tess!" He yelled driving away. 

I went back in the house feeling somber. "Wanna watch a movie hun?" My mom called to me from the living room.

"No mom, I think I'm just gonna go to bed." I started up the stairs. "Goodnight. Love you guys."

"We love you too." My parents said in unison.

I awoke to a loud noise of my phone alarm. I reached over to hit snooze when I realized what day it was. Today we were taking John to the airport. Dreadfully I sat up in bed. I wore a t-shirt and my pajama pants were too small for me. Part of me couldn't bother to even dress. A cancer perk was you could get away with going anywhere in pajamas, even probably the fanciest restaurant in the world. The legs of my pajamas stopped below my knees and tightened elastic on the bottoms. Like cropped sweat pants, just they'd become this way from me growing. I walked down the stair and found John in the front entry way with my mom and dad. I stopped in my tracks, he was leaving today, probably won't be back till Thanksgiving. So much could happen in that time.

He glanced up the stairs, almost like he'd been waiting anxiously for me and now here I was. "Tess." He smiled a sad smile. 

I walked the rest of the way down the stairs, "Hey."

"You guys ready to go?" My dad looked to all of us.

"Yeah lets go." My mom pitched in quickly before one of us said no. 

An hour passed until we got to the airport. John got his luggage all checked in and stuff and then came to hang with us till his flight left. He had another thirty minutes. My parents walked into a Starbucks to get us all coffee while trying to give John and I some time to say our own goodbyes. I didn't know what to say to him.

He seemed to be the exact opposite, "Don't ever hesitate to call me if something comes up. I don't want you to keep anything medically from me. If your..." He stopped talking, biting the knuckle of his index finger, something he did to keep from crying. After several silent moments he continued, "If your cancer returns I'll take the first flight home to see you okay?" He looked me in the eyes. 

"I know John. I want you to be there every second you can be. Your my hope." I smiled but he only hugged me. He wasn't usually a very sentimental kind of guy but obviously today he was. I wrapped my arms around him and held onto him with all my might. I didn't want him to leave as much as he didn't want to go but sometimes it has to happen. 

It was like I could sense my parents walking up behind us. I pulled away from him and turned to my parents. They had three coffees and a bottle of orange juice. My mom, dad and John had the coffees, the orange juice was for me because I had low blood sugar from the cancer. Not only did I take it as part of my daily medication but when I didn't have time for breakfast orange juice was a good source of calories and sugar, to keep the blacking out at a minimum. 

"Here honey." Then my mom handed me half of a muffin. A blueberry one, my favorite.

My mother hadn't even taken a sip of her coffee and I could tell she wanted to cry. She'd grown close to John. Like he was her own son and I knew watching him go was almost like watching my brother die all over again.

Something I haven't told yet is that three years before I got cancer my younger brother was in a hit and run accident and was in a coma for three months. He never woke up so my parents just cut off the machines. When he was hit we'd been walking home from school when we'd come to a road to cross and he didn't look both ways. He ran across the street as fast as he could and I saw it happen right in front of my own eyes. The car hit right into him. The person had been drinking and driving and didn't even stop. Luckily a few weeks later they found the guy and he's still in jail. But my brother had only been six, his first year of kindergarten. We were three years apart and losing my brother had been the worst thing.

Depression was a big thing then. I was diagnosed with it a month after my brother died. Taking my medicine wasn't a habit I got in to. But then I met John. Things after that started to get better for me and it was like I didn't have to take my medicine anymore because he was always calling me to make sure I was okay and sometimes we would video chat. It made life easier. Now he was leaving again. For the second time for college.

Then they called over the intercom that his flight was leaving in fifteen minutes and so we started back to his gate. Quickly we said our goodbyes and then John went through security. Watching him leave was harder than I'd expected but obviously not as hard as it was for my mom. She was bawling next to me in my dads arms. It was strange standing next to her as she cried, full of brown hair and golden brown eyes and then me with no hair, not even feeling sad. She made people want to feel sympathetic towards her. I just made people sympathetic for my parents, who wants a kid with cancer. I may be in remission but I'll never be sure it's gone for several more years. Really for the rest of my life. The worst thing about being the kid with cancer is just being known as that girl.