Twisted Life, Thorny Love

34. What did you say?

"Hyung..." Taehyung grabbed Jin's hand as Jin parked the car in their apartment parking and tried to get out. Jin whipped his head towards his brother. Taehyung had been intimidatingly silent the whole way back. But now, Jin could see fear in his eyes. Raw terror. 

"What is happening to me, hyung?" he whispered. Jin could feel the fear radiating in those words and it hit him right in his heart. "Let's go home and talk" Jin whispered, coming out and holding his hand, providing silent comfort to him. Taehyung held his hand tight. Jin still had a cast on his left arm. They still had a long way to go before they got their casts removed. 

Jin sat on the couch cross-legged, facing the side. "Come here" he said, patting the couch. Taehyung sat down obediently and looked at Jin, silently asking for answers. 

"You have anger issues, Tae. We told this to you a lot of times, but you just got mad at us. Not just you, even I have it. We got it from Appa, Tae. But I acknowledged it and attended therapy and I am able to manage my anger now unless the situation gets too out of control. 

You've got it more than me and Appa. That's what I have been saying all this while" Jin said, looking intensely into Taehyung's eyes. 

Taehyung shrunk into himself as he stared back at Jin, digesting what he just said. For the first time, he did not deny it or fight back. He acknowledged it. He was afraid. Afraid of the other things that he might have forgotten. 

"Do you forget stuff as well?" he asked. "No. I never let it get to that. I attended therapy before things got out of hand and I am still working on it" Jin said. "Does Jungkook know about it?" he asked. "Yes. Joon told him that day when we were fighting" Jin said. 

'He knew. He knew and he was scared. That was why he avoided me for a week' Taehyung thought. 

"You, idiot. Why didn't you come? I waited for you every day." Taehyung said. "I didn't have the courage" Jungkook said. 

'He didn't have the courage. He was scared. He was scared of me' he thought. 

"What do you think you are?? WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE??!?!??!" Taehyung yelled, applying more and more pressure on his throat. Jungkook was beyond terrified at this point. 

Taehyung remembered how terrified Jungkook seemed. As he wasn't angry enough to forget it, he clearly remembered choking Jungkook when they went for bowling. 

'Hyung is right. I do have problems managing my anger' he thought and suddenly realized how Jungkook never let that stop him from being close to him. 

Poor Jungkook, who was still holding his throat from the pressure earlier, stared at his Professor with shock. He still couldn't process what just happened, but he forgave him immediately even though his heart was still racing with fear. He got up, but his knees buckled. "I am sorry" Taehyung said again with tears in his eyes as he immediately supported Jungkook. "It's okay" Jungkook mumbled and let his teacher help him out. 

That was when the first tear fell down. Jin silently let him think for a while. 

"What reasons did he give?" Jungkook asked. "Anger issues. I don't have anger issues, Kookie! But he keeps insisting. I swear, Kook, I don't have anger issues" Taehyung said. He almost sounded desperate. "Hmm. I believe you" Jungkook said and kissed him. 

Taehyung bent forward and buried his head into his hands as he cried. Jungkook said he believed him even though he knew everything about it. He believed him. He wanted to believe him. And Taehyung completely busted his faith. 

Jin put a hand on his back and gently rubbed it up and down. 

"What else did I forget, hyung?" Taehyung asked after he calmed down a bit. 

"It's okay. We can talk about that later" Jin said. "No. Tell me now. What else did I forget? Oh my god, I hit Junha, right? That's what he has been telling all this while, right?" Taehyung asked. Jin stayed silent and it was enough of an answer for Taehyung. 

He looked from side to side frantically with mad eyes before bringing both of his hands up and hitting himself repeatedly on the head. 

"Tae!! No self-hurting! We've been over this. You are not going to hit yourself" Jin said, jumping up to hold Taehyung's hands above his head. 

"I-I hit a kid. I hit a kid. I hit a kid" Taehyung kept murmuring, paying no attention to Jin. 

"Shh. You didn't know it. It was not your fault, Tae. Stop hitting yourself, please" Jin pleaded, tears forming in his eyes. It always hurt him to see Taehyung hit himself. 

Even during their childhood, whenever Taehyung became frustrated with himself, he hit himself no matter what the reason was. He didn't lose that habit even after growing up. He just became less frustrated with himself as he grew up.  

Taehyung breathed heavily before looking up at Jin pathetically. "What else, hyung? Please be honest with me. What else did I forget?" he asked. 

"T-That's a-all" Jin said, looking away and fixing his gaze on the floor. "Hyung, please don't lie to me" Taehyung whispered. Jin's heart broke as tears ran down his face. He had never seen his brother look so vulnerable. Not even when his husband died. 

But right now, with his brother under him, looking up at him with tear filled eyes and a broken voice, whispering as if he was afraid of talking out loud, and with hands tight in his grip and held above his head, he could see just how miserable and vulnerable Taehyung looked. And it squeezed his heart horribly. 

He took a deep breath and tightened his grip around Taehyung's hands. He closed his eyes before speaking. 

"You were the one who pushed Minho off the cliff" he said. 

There was complete silence for a couple of minutes where Jin didn't dare to open his eyes in fear of seeing the monster in his brother's eyes. 

"What? What did you just say?" he heard. His eyes flew open in panic. It wasn't Taehyung's voice that had asked him to repeat what he just said. 

He looked at the door with wide, fearful eyes. 

"What did you just say?"