The patience of the Universe

I was a mess-8

The day went super busy and every time I was intending to step up to her desk something gotten between, every time I called for her with some thin reason, Leyla or Erdem showed up with it. She was avoiding me! Actually she wasn't avoiding our eyes to meet but it was like hers were blank. No shyness or anger, just friendly indifference. Was she having amnesia? How was she managing this? Unfortunately, I was NOT having amnesia and the feeling of her mouth and hands were still present, I had to touch my lips several times in reminiscence and craving, once she even caught the gesture without blinking or being embarrassed. 

Okay, amnesia it was then, I mean beside the claustrophobia and her narcolepsy of course she had also short time memory loss when things went uncomfortable. How handy, Eda Yildiz! How could she forget me kissing her, how was is not burnt in her conscience forever?! No, no she was remembering fine but she was up to kill me from anticipation. So she was staying, I mean I had considered suing her to stay so I shouldn't be too complaining but I knew I hadn't seen the end of it and there was something coming.

I was planning to take her out for lunch but found her desk empty again, and Erdem who was just sitting on it having some mints and swinging his legs looked at my raised eye brow and said,

„She left for lunch, Fifi and Melo came and picked her up. Melo was looking kinda disshelved as if she had cried and Fifi was extra angry. There must been some drama but they did not give away anything, I mean they could have said something, I think we are close enough now, in my view we are and from a male point of view i could have contributed valuable insights...."

„Thank you, Erdem!" interrupting his endless blabbering and walked back to my room. Non of my attempts seemed to go to... plan lately. I was feeling the anger rising, what had she done to my life, it was a mess, I was a mess, going around in the office to catch a glimpse of her, catch her eyes or a smile, trying o sneak her away but failing miserably. What was this, what was I feeling, was it just sexual attraction? To my excuse it was more than natural to be attracted to her was what I was telling myself for long now, but no it was far more. I was craving to hear her voice and laugh across the room, I was craving looking at her when she was amused by the smallest things, I was especially missing her sass, how she was taking my imperatives with a grin and was not having any of them. How she was making everything more colorful and joyous. And when she was not here everything seemed like under a grey cloud. Should I ring her up? No no, how needy are you Serkan? But I could say I need her to accompany me to a business lunch?! No she knew my schedule, there were no meetings. Fuck fuck fuck, so I sat here waiting for her to return.

She did not, I gotten a message where she informed me that she's taking the afternoon off, some family emergency... as if I was not family as her fiancée, I mean I should be in for the details!

The afternoon dragged endlessly and for the very first time I couldn't disappear in work and was distracted by the smallest thing, not being able to not look over to her empty desk repeatedly. When the office emptied in the evening I was wrapping up and weighing if I should call her or just go ring her door. I mean it would be natural to be worried, she said family, maybe there was something wrong with Ayfer hala, yes yes I should ask for hala and go from there... when suddenly Selin showed up.

„Catching you alone is almost an impossibility now, but here we are. Good evening.„ she came over and kissed me on the cheek, staying a moment too long in my face as if she was waiting for me to make a move. I did not, actually I felt uncomfortable with her this near, wasn't she still the fiancée of someone else?

„Selin, I'm here, like always here, at my work"

„You look tired."

„I am tired, the little trip to Bodrum, not gotten a lot of sleep."

She raised her eye brow, „young love does that!" her voice trying being humorous but almost bitter.

„I don't think these are topics we should discuss, as friendly we now may be."

She laughed, „wow we even suck being friends".

„No, we don't. It's just all new."

She reached for my hand, her face getting serious, „Serkan..."

We turned around when the door knocked and Eda was standing in the entrance.