Her Flaws

Chapter 01: Prologue

(Did you check the trailer in the previous part - Foreword?)

Every morning is a new beginning. A chance to become a better person than yesterday. An opportunity to find improvement. A hope that everything will be fine today. We sleep, to see a new morning. It is just a new morning that gives strength to continue living life.
(Many of us don't live, even if that's the case, it gives enough strength to exist.)
My name is Aceso Smith. And I have a Borderline Personality Disorder. It's not something so terrible at least for me. And it's not something unmanageable like schizophrenia. It's just normal. And may be many people suffer from it and stay undiagnosed. I just have a little anger management problem and nothing else. I'm usually quite over little problems, but when I've taken it enough, I'll burst out of frustrations. You might find me fighting fiercely. I may become violent at times. I have a messy life. After listening to my story, you might say that I'm crazy but I hope you will understand my reasons (that are crazy too). Anyway, my name was uncommon in school and kids used to make fun of it. That was the level one bullying for me. But I loved my name so it was okay. I don't know why my parents named me this, I didn't even ask them. I am a senior at high school. My final exams are near. Please, do pray for me. My whole career depends on it. And tomorrow morning, I will wake up with a hope that I will study with more concentration. Every student does that?
Last year was my worst academic year. I got low grades, got an injury in a basketball match and got stuck in a scandal as well. But nothing stressed me out. All these things never worried me whether it was a failed exam or a scandal (or even if I'm dying of some illness). Mom said that I was always careless as a bitch. But when I was young, in middle school, low grades used to worry me, even that I used to get sick out of stress. Now it's all changed. What freaked me out was about my so called friends. Friends always mattered a lot for me. My priority list had my friends on top. I was an introvert. Extroverted introvert. So I was frank to everyone around but I had few friends. When I was in school I had a friend who became my best friend but she switched high school. Ashley is still my best friend, we call eachother sometimes. But I became lonely when she left school. So I got new friends. I wasn't good at groups. Specially, the groups, where you feel out of place. It was the same kind of situation for me. Joanna used to be my close friend in school. And all the other four were Joanna's old friends. And it was Joanna who introduced me to them. Life becomes tough when you trust people more than they deserve. But for a person like me, there was no choice. I spent my whole life until yet, searching for true love, affection, loyalty and care. At times, I even felt like I'm looking for a thing that doesn't exist. But observing my surroundings changed my perspectives. I envied people who had all of it. I envied people's free breath. May be I need to correct myself, I've been seeking what doesn't exist for me. I'm at a fault, that I complain a lot. But what else can I do?
On the contrary, I can't see anyone sad. If somebody tells me about his or her pain, I will try my best to help them. I will always be available to listen and advise anyone. I will always try to be the first one to help. I don't want others to go through what I did. Everyone's situation has a different intensity but pain is always similar. Our problem seems to be the biggest problem on Earth to our own selves. It's just natural. We all need to understand this instead of having a competition over this pointless discussion that who's problem is more problematic. What the heck? I might not say that I'm facing the worst because I always comfort myself with the fact that there are still people who go through far worse than me and still endure all of it and end up having a good life. It was also about last year, when Joanna's parents wanted her to breakup with her boyfriend knowing that they both love eachother. But I was the one who helped her convince her family. I motivated both of them to stay strong and hold on to eachother. I'm not bragging about me being nice. What I mean is that people must remember those who did good to them when nobody else did. And I don't have a big heart. Unfortunately, I'm not the one to forget easily. Even after a century, I will still remember what wrong you did to me a century ago. I hold grudges for a very long time, or may be forever. It may not be a good thing, but that's how I am. And we can't change every aspect of our personality, whether it's right or wrong, whatever. We are born with some specific traits. And it is one of those specific personality traits for me. I may act like I got over a thing, but if that found a space in my heart, it will stay there forever. I will not revenge, but I will not forgive. Once you get into my hate list, there's no return. When you keep forgiving people, they will keep taking you for granted. They will keep making a fool of you. And the moment you realize it, it's already when they're done with using you enough. That's life. You must stay cautious. This is reality, there won't be fire breathing dragons or zombies you need to be afraid of, but it will be a Prince Charming that will throw you in the trash. People are cruel. It's a cruel world.