Her Flaws

Chapter 05

I've seen people who don't believe in the existence of love. By the way, I believe in experiences, in my story you'll always find experiences of mine as well as my friends’ from time to time. But I believe in love faithfully. Even though I had never encountered something called love, I do believe in it. I've been playing a lot. You know. I've had a lot of guys. But the problem is that I never fell for anyone. This is not hypocrisy. Actually, I never found someone who fell for me, why would I fall for somebody who's just attracted to my charm? Everyone I dated was just attracted to me. I'm not a lot beautiful, but I'm charismatic and damn attractive. I always attracted whom I wanted without any failed attempts. From youngers, juniors and cute guys to olders, seniors and hot guys, I've dated everyone. I've attended blind dates also. But I don't support the idea of blind dates. It's just awkward. And at least for me, at first I'm introverted so blind dates are not my type.
Anyway, most of them were those whom I found on social media somehow. So, it's obvious, how can you fall in love with someone who just found you on social media and have never met you? You're a fool if you think that the man or girl you are talking to on social media is in love with you. They're just attracted to you and they're taking an advantage of you. Oh, and to be more specific, you're also using it as an activity to pass your free time. You think you love them? You're wrong at this point too dear. No matter what excuse you use to defend yourself, but it is the truth, and you also know it. Love isn't like that. Distinguish between loving someone and liking someone. I can even become your love guru too. Kidding!
Whatever, the conclusion is that I never fell for anyone, no matter what. But then last year, I found this guy. My schoolmate. Damn, his moustache! I fell for him. It's not that I'm saying you can't fall in love and I fell in love. I learnt the difference between love and obsession, and love and lust. I loved him. I also took him to a random date just once. But we never dated again. It was just that he was confused about his feelings. I can bet my life that he never loved me, but I know he liked me. And now school is about to end and nothing happened between us, we didn't even become friends. I don't have any regrets. Because love is not a business deal. It's just love.
What is love? Duh. There is no measure for love till today. There is no measure for feelings. Feelings are not scientific subjects of experiment. You better know how you feel. But there's one way to check if you're in love. If you can sacrifice something for someone and you don't want to lose that person but you can let them go if they want to. That's love. When you're fated to fall in love with someone, you will fall in love with them at first sight. But if you're not fated to be with them, no matter how many years you spend together, you might like eachother, but you'll stay friends. Love isn't that easy. You can love multiple people in your life, but that doesn't mean every second person you like is your love. Not at all. People have confused love with lust. Love is rare. Lust is cheap. I assessed my feelings. I loved that person. I still love him. I dated others too after him. Dating others doesn't mean my love changed. Every time I tried to think about someone else, he came to my mind. I couldn't even imagine someone else. That's how I know I love him. He changed me. I've stopped dating or even flirting. It's been a year. He was transferred to another school. We haven't talked or seen eachother for ages. But I still think about him everyday. I know it's a waste. It's absurd that I'm holding on to him for so long. I'm tired too. I should suggest that everyone should stay away from something like love, but I already know that when one falls in love, he can't hold back. That's just how it is. Everything that is not science, can not be explained fully.
My dad doesn't know that how much I hate men but I still fell for a guy. I feel shame. But falling for him doesn't mean that I trust men. Men aren't loyal no matter what. I'm not talking about all, but most of them. There are still great men who devoted their whole life to their wives and children. But it's just normal, that men always want more women. They want to experience different women. Are you a human or a lust machine? Seriously?
I had a friend in middle school, Minnie. Her mother got divorced last year and her father remarried just after a few months. And he even left his two daughters on their own. I've seen that girl struggling for everything she has now. And I've also seen how much she hates her father. People say that fathers are great beings and special gifts of God. It may be true. Or I can say, it is true, and specially, dads love their daughters more than anything, but that's not the case for everyone. You're allowed to hate me because you don't know my story. Gwenchanha. But if a person abuses his daughter, he will beat his wife too. It won't be a big deal for him. And it won't be a big deal for anyone. Because only the one who suffers, knows the pain. Whatever.