Her Flaws

Chapter 06

I really hated when magic ended with Rapunzel's hair being cut by Eugene. Magic isn't a materialistic thing. It is not concerned with objects or organs. Magic is connected with one's soul. As long as you live, magic exists. Magic isn't mythical. It's existence is real. I believe in magic. I said before that I'm a realistic person but now I'm talking about magic? Yes. Because magic is real. And I will convince you.
Magic requires strong faith, believe in its existence and strong, high energies. The stronger the faith, the stronger the energies. It is your high energy that convinces God to fulfil your wish, your hope. Hopeless person is the most helpless one, because he has no energy left, no magic left. Revive your hopes, discover your magic. That's why I never became hopeless. I never wanted to become helpless. In order to help myself, I needed hope, to work out with my magic skills. God listens to those first who have high energies, who have strong will. If you feel like you've been praying for a long time, and still God isn't listening to you, may be God wants you to put more energy? Think about this every time you feel like God isn't listening to you. It's just that your magic isn't good enough yet. You need more focus. That is what I have kept doing till today. That is what has kept me alive till now.
My younger sister is just three years younger than me. But she is extremely beautiful. Have you ever heard of dumb beauty? Yeah. That's how she is. She's pretty but she's dumb. When I compare myself with her, she's way more beautiful and attractive. But I don't need to compare myself with her. You know what, the way I see, every girl is somehow beautiful, if she is dark, she might have a high nose. If she has almond eyes, she might be fair enough in complexion. Every girl has a substitute for her one flaw. And it is not even a flaw, that how God made you, you can't do anything about it. Instead, be grateful that you are perfect. You are perfection. When I was 2 years and 11 months old, He blessed me with a baby sister. I was happy. Any child would be. She grew up playing with me, I grew up playing with her. And we have conflicts does not mean that we don't have any memories. We have so many good memories to make ourselves smile, anytime. I always tried to protect her from every harmful thing. I loved her. I loved her so much that you can't even imagine if you don't have a younger sister. In spite of the little age gap, I loved her and tried to fight least with her. She was extraordinarily charming and cute, that everyone in the relatives and neighborhood would want her to be with them and pull her cheeks and even some took pictures with her. I liked that the celebrity child is my sister and it was so easy for me to play with her. I was now a school going kid when I turned almost 4. And I was a genius. Then, I was a gifted child. My IQ was much higher, almost 140. Not less than this. I miraculously learnt all the basics of Kindergarden within a week. And I've been a language freak since then. I've learnt five languages and I'm trying to learn more. Other kids’ mothers were so envious of me and anyone could see that. But I think, that was not enough. I could have done more. I should have done more, so that my dad would have listened to me when he should have listened. All that love and affection from dad that was meant to be parted in two, for me and her, all diverted towards her. I was cornered. But this wasn't just it. I was even punished for her lies, and this was the most painful part. Even if she got hurt on her own, she complained that I hit her. Ultimately, I got scolded by dad. He never listened to me. He was just blinded by her. Every child is just different, and parents should understand every child. I was a quiet type kid. But even my dad never understood me, who else would? Hah. And when I tried to make them understand me, may be I was too late. I realized it very late that I have to make them understand me. To be very honest, I don't find anything better in her than me, except for that beautiful face of hers. But does a parent love a child's face? I just wonder what she has and I don't. I'm good at studies, I'm talented, I'm adored by my teachers and I never caused trouble for him. Just because I didn't agree on doing medical studies, it makes me useless for him? Does it?
I always told myself that I'm not Cinderella. I want to become Merida. I want to become brave. Brave like Merida. I sometimes think about Mulan also. But each time I tried to become Mulan, I was never encouraged or appreciated. Appreciation is not essential, but it's good. And where the other person gets appreciation for nothing and you get nothing for doing everything. You are just ignored. It feels bad. Being ignored since childhood made me an attention seeker today. I love being the center of attention and I like if someone cares for me and I feel grateful towards that person. Your upbringing has the deepest impact on your adult personality. I'm so tired. It isn't that I keep grudges for little things. It's just that a lot of little things gathered up inside me and gave me a deep grudge to keep. And I'm not a person of a big heart. So I decided to give up on Mulan and become Merida. I made up my mind. But does it make me a bad daughter?