If You Wanted to be my Father

Harry's real family (2)

Love is such a strange thing. How can you truly show someone you love them? Is it really up to you to make the first move? What did Harry have in his life that he would consider love?

There were his friends. They were so loyal, almost like a family to him, but did they love him like Snape could but wouldn't? Did Snape love Draco? Draco had practically grown up under Severus's watch, but wouldn't that mean that the Dursleys were supposed to love Harry. Harry found that impossible to understand, but what was he anyway. He could just be passed from one place to another. Were the Dursleys ever his home, or was that Hogwarts?

It was strange to think that Harry didn't have a stable relationship in his life, but he was fine. One day it would all be over, and one day his life would just work out. Maybe he would get married, create a family that way.

It was such a strange thing to think that Harry didn't have a family, but he was fine. One day he will create a family, maybe the Weasleys could take him in. Maybe he might be overshadowed by how many siblings Ron already had, but somehow it would still be better.

It was a strange thing to think that Harry didn't have a home, but it was fine. One day he would. One day Hogwarts would just be a school, and not a shelter from the storm because he wouldn't need shelter from a storm that didn't exist.

This was Harry's way of saying that when he grew up everything would work out. It was his hope that all these things just came one day.

But here he was, sitting in the garden of his biological father, who he was forced upon. Something he would have dreamed of as a child. But now it was a dream that his father was still dead because then he could at least pretend that his father loved him with all of his heart.

Snape looked out the window where Potter was weeding. His hands shook as he cut dandelion roots. He hadn't shaken this much before. Although he had never been this guilty or this nervous before.

That was his son.

That sentiment held a lot of weight. One night that had been thrown to the back of his mind, had created something he couldn't take back.

But he was a brat. Spoiled, and irresponsible, he wasn't even sure why he had agreed to take him in. Surely his previous wards had acted like a family to him. He already had a father figure so why does he need him. Draco needed him.

But even is Harry did have a father figure. even if Harry did have someone who had told them they loved him, it would still hurt to know that your biological father didn't. Draco may have needed Severus, but so did Harry. Especially after all that he had been through.

However, the day went on. Harry finished his chores and ate the meals that had been left cold on the counter. Draco may have eaten with Severus hours ago, but Harry hadn't been afforded the same luxury.

How it stung as Harry sat at midnight eating a cold bowl of stew at an empty desolate dining room table. He should be grateful, it was better than before, but this was a different kind of hurt. It was Severus confirming every horrible thing the Dursleys had said to Harry over the years.

As Harry climbed to his room, he looked at the candlelit room below. He should just go in, ask Severus what was wrong with him. Just so he knew for the next family he was pawned off to.

But instead, he kept walking. And so the night went on, and Harry slept.

The next morning he saw another list of chores, and over the week a routine started until finally, Harry couldn't take it.

"Aren't I your son?" Harry asked infuriated as he came into the breakfast parlor where Severus sat with his cup of coffee

"Do you think this is easy for me? Knowing you are my son? Your just some brat and those chores teach you discipline!"

"This isn't disciplined! I just don't get it what is the difference between me and Draco? Am I just worse in some way? Is that what you think?" Harry wouldn't say it but that's what he thought

Severus went silent and glared at harry.

"Draco needs me."

The room became still as tears begrudgingly fell down Harry's face. He picked up the list and tore it in half.

"Well, then I guess I don't. I'm going to Hermione's for a bit, not as you would care."

Snape had never seen Harry cry. He seemed so defeated as if he had just lost everything, but he hadn't. It was just Snape. And Snape had just lost Harry, no matter how much he began to look similar to him, it's still just Harry.

Hermione opened the door to the sound of the bell one morning. She had seen the night bus outside and knew something was terribly wrong.

Harry's face was streaked in tears. He just looked lost.

"Can we talk?" he looked at Hermione, as she nodded her head eagerly, and led him to her room.

"Are you ok Harry?"

"I don't know. Did you get my letters, Snapes my father crazy right?" he gave a laugh, but it almost sounded strained.

"He just... he doesn't want me. I... I don't know what to do. I thought I was going to have a family, and you know how horrible the Dursleys are, and it's not as bad but it hurts more. I just... do you think anyone wants me?"

Hermione pulled Harry into a hug.

"You know that Ron and I love you. You're our best friend. We want you, Harry. I don't know what you're going through, but I hope you know that we are here for you. Even if your not a Potter, Even if you're not a Snape, you'll always be Harry, and that's all we want is Harry."

Harry wiped the tears from his cheeks.

"Thanks, Hermione. You always do know what to say."

"How bout you stay here for the day. We could take the knight bus to Ron's and maybe play some quidditch. I'm sure Ron would be ecstatic if he could see you."

"That sounds nice."

With that, Harry smiled at Hermione and remembered who wanted him. Who needs family when you have friends.