If I Ask You to Stay (A BTS Jin Fanfiction)

Chapter 33: Anger and Revenge

(Jin) 

"Mr. Seokjin, I brought the new comforter you wanted."

I looked up from where I was working on my laptop at the table. The housekeeper had walked in holding a large bag. "Thank you, Elsa. You can replace it before you go."

"Yes, I will," the lady replied. She was in her mid-to-late thirties and had been coming by twice weekly to clean my apartment for the past four years. It was really the only way to keep the place looking spotless since I was usually too busy with school.

Elsa left around six in the evening. The place looked great. I thought about going out, but at the last minute, I decided to stay in. If the guys saw me get drunk again, they would definitely cause me some pain. Thank goodness that I had some good whiskey in my cabinet.

I changed into some comfortable clothing and settled down to watch some television. I don't remember how many drinks I had before I heard a knock at my door. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was already nine o'clock. I opened the door.

"Hi, Seokjin. Are you busy?"

I stared at the girl standing at my door. She looked me up and down and tossed back her long, blonde hair.

"Hello, Diana. What brings you by?" I asked.

She pouted. "Aren't you going to ask me in?"

I was about to make an excuse as to why I did not have time for her when my mind suddenly listened to the devil on my shoulder. Why shouldn't I invite her in? Bella had gone back to Jimin. How long was I going to mourn for her? Diana was not here to play cards obviously. She had taken care to wear that short dress and fix her hair. The look she was giving me indicated that she was here for a very specific reason. Why shouldn't I take her up on her offer?

I stepped back from the door and motioned her inside.

She brushed against me as she made her way into the apartment. She leaned forward and picked up my half-filled glass of whiskey. "I see that you started drinking without me." She threw back the contents of the glass then wiped her lip slowly.

"Would you like another?" I asked.

She nodded.

I walked toward her and filled up the glass. She was still standing. I sat down on the sofa. "Okay then. You haven't told me why you're here."

She drank the whiskey and set the glass down. "I was thinking about you. I saw Min Yoongi in class, and he mentioned that you were not doing too well. I wanted to check on you." She was still standing in front of me.

I shrugged. "I'm okay."

"Maybe. Maybe not," she replied. "But I can make sure you're okay before the night is over." She lifted her skirt and lowered herself onto me, straddling me. "I've missed you."

I inhaled as she planted kisses along my neck and shoulder. I should stop her. I should tell her to go home. It isn't fair to her. "Diana, maybe we should..."

She put her finger over my lips. "Don't talk. I've had a difficult week. I think we both need this right now. So, please, don't tell me to go." She slipped her hands under my shirt and lifted it over my head. She tossed it aside and ran her hands down my chest. "Please. Let's just enjoy the moment."

I nodded. "Okay."

She slid to her knees in front of me and unzipped my jeans deftly. "You are so beautiful, Seokjin. Everything about you is beautiful," she whispered.

I threw my head back on the sofa and lost myself in the sensations. After a few minutes of glorious, mindless pleasure, she looked up at me.

"Why don't we go to the bedroom where we can be more comfortable?" she asked with a breathless voice.

Again, my mind cried out to tell her to go, that I could not do this because...because I was in love with someone else. Someone whose impression of me was based on what I was doing right now. Someone who had chosen another over me. Someone who was probably doing this with another man right now. Someone who wasn't even thinking about me right now.

I nodded. "Let's go."

To hell with my sadness. Why cry over a woman who so easily threw me over? This was what I needed at the moment, even if it wasn't right. If she so easily went back to her life with Jimin, then I can just go back to my life---my sad, pathetic life.

A few hours later, when Diana asked me if I wanted her to stay, I looked away. I had an early class tomorrow, I told her. It would be better if she left. She masked her disappointment quickly as she searched for her clothing strewn about along with my new comforter. She told me to call her anytime, and I made a noncommittal sound. I reached for my boxers and walked her to the door, not out of any affection but more of a confirmation that she would go. She planted a kiss on my chest before leaving.

I closed the door and leaned on it. Why? Bella, why did you not choose me? I became angry with myself for thinking about her. Even while Diana was doing her best to please me, all I could think about was how much I wanted to be with Bella. This is why I hated love. You were no longer in control of who was in your thoughts. Love was cruel and merciless. If I wanted to beat it, I had to be the same.