If I Ask You to Stay (A BTS Jin Fanfiction)

Chapter 44: A Snag

(Jin) 

I stared at her face. Her expression was somewhere between angry and hurt. I didn't know what to do. Do I tell her everything, or do I tell her what will make things better? Honesty can be so difficult.

"What do you mean?" I asked. "Do what?"

Bella looked at me then looked away. "I don't know if I can move into a relationship with another guy who is such a...womanizer. I don't need that again in my life," she said, her voice hard.

I rubbed my hand over my face. "Ah, Bella, please. Whatever happened is not important. We were not even together. You were with Jimin." I gritted my teeth. "You were probably having sex with him!"

She scowled at me. "That would be none of your business. He was my..." She stopped abruptly and looked down.

"Your what? Boyfriend?" I prompted. "So I was supposed to live like a monk while you were in bed with your boyfriend, is that it? My life was supposed to come to a halt, but you could have your fun with Jimin?" I made an impatient sound and turned away from her.

"That's not the way it was," she said weakly.

I spun around to face her. "That's what it was like for me. Every time I saw you or him was torture because I knew that you had chosen him over me. It tore me up inside. I was hurt and angry. And alone. Was it a crime that I spent time with a girl?"

"A girl? Do you mean one girl?" she asked, looking at me intently.

I turned my face away impatiently. "Let's not do this."

"How many?" she asked. "How many girls, Seokjin?"

I dropped myself down onto one of the couches and stared around blankly. What should I say? If I tell her the truth, she might get angry. If I lie, she might find out the truth and get angry. This was a lose-lose.

"I don't want to be with someone who will cheat on me the minute things go wrong," she said. "I don't want someone whom I have to worry about." She sat down on a chair next to the couch. "I want to feel secure and loved."

"I love you, Bella," I said quickly. "I love you so much! You won't ever have to worry about me because I don't want anyone else but you. You want honesty? Are you sure?" She nodded. "Okay. There were three girls. Three. It was nothing important. I was heartbroken. I was in a bad place. I don't love or care about them. If that makes me sound like a jerk, then, yes, I was a jerk. They were just...available, and you were not. I'm sorry if that makes things worse. I don't know. It probably doesn't excuse what I did.  All I know is that it was not important to me. Only you are important. Only right now is important. I don't want to lose you, Bella."

I was about to say more, but two girls began walking towards us. One of them was holding the Beast mask and the other had my jacket. Damn it! I knew them.

"Hi, Seokjin," the curly-haired one said with a smile. "I think you forgot your coat. It's a very nice coat." She bit her lip and handed the jacket to me.

"Uh, thanks."

The second girl pushed forward. "And your mask," she placed it on the couch next to me. She glanced at Bella briefly "By the way, congratulations on winning the contest. You two looked great. Are you...together? A couple?"

"Yes," I said quickly.

"No," I heard Bella say at the same time.

"Oh!" one of the girls--I think her name was Rachel--exclaimed with a smile. "Anyway, it's always so good to see you, Seokjin. I hope I'll see you around soon."

The girl with the curly hair nodded. "See you soon. Bye!"

Once the girls were out of earshot, Bella frowned. "You see? Is this the way it's going to be? Will I have to suffer every time we run into one of your many past lovers?"

"Lovers? That's a bit dramatic," I replied. "They were just bringing my stuff."

Bella shook her head. "If you made love to them, they are your lovers."

I leaned forward towards her. "Let's get this straight. I did not make love with any of those other girls. It was just sex." She bristled, but I reached out and grabbed her hands. "Listen. I'm sorry. I know it sounds terrible of me, but whatever I did with them meant nothing."

"Stop! That's awful of you to say."

I squeezed her hands. "It's awful, but it's true. I didn't love them. I love you. Bella, look at me. " Her eyes met mine. "I love you. Making love is special. It is what I hope to experience with you. Tonight."

She pulled her hands away from mine. Her face was first incredulous then angry. "Oh, really? I'm supposed to believe that. Then maybe in a few days you'll be telling some other girl how your night with me was just sex and meant nothing." She shot to her feet. "I can't believe you! Everyone was right about you!"

I stood up and got closer to her. "Right about what?"

She raised her eyes to mine. "You're just a player. You will say or do anything just to get what you want. Am I supposed to feel honored because right now you want me? What about tomorrow or next week, Jin? Will I be just another girl to you?"

"Of course not!" I protested. I tried to hold her hand, but she batted me away. "I'm sorry about what people may have said to you, and maybe I deserve your anger, but I'm not lying about my feelings for you. How can you doubt me? Look at me. Look at me, Bella. I love you. That will never change no matter how much you want to deny it or put me down." I reached out for her again. "If I ask you to stay, will you? Will you stay with me?"

She shook her head. "I--I need to think about it. I'm sorry. I need to leave."

"Don't. Please don't."

I watched as she hurried out the door without a backward glance.