Pursuing Pandora

Chapter 24

After dinner, I returned to my room to take a shower. Zara was beginning to nod off so I didn't need to read to her today. Having Victor in my apartment just bought a teenage thrill in my mind. Like sneaking him into the school grounds to spend more time with him.

Even the cold shower hadn't calmed down the jittery feeling in my gut. With the bathrobe wrapped around my shaking body, I entered my closet. I ruffled through my nightwear drawer not finding a proper matching set. Usually, I slept in a long-oversized shirt or a satin slip dress if I was buffing the muffin that night.

My choices were garbage. I could either look like a lousy bum or a desperate slut. Which technically did encapsulate my personality. Giving up on the overthinking I wore a bottle green slip dress with lace trimming. Over it, I wore a graphic tee and workout black booty shorts to hide the lustful piece inside.

It's hard to remember that I shouldn't be actively seducing an injured man whom I have invited in my home for some rest and relaxation. I would just have to take a self-guided tour with the battery-operated boyfriend if I think of jumping on Vic.

I still have work to do that I was hoping to finish tonight. I still ended up touching up my face with some loose powder and a tinted lip balm. My mind clearly isn't in control of my body. Putting my hair in an actual messy bun sported by most new moms handling their baby's sleep schedule, I got back to work. Slumping down in my leather chair I switch on the pc.

I gave out a prolonged yawn as soon as the screen lit up. I need coffee. I braved the thought of meeting Vic as I saw the kitchen light on. I stood in the dark passageway wondering if I should see what he wants or return back in a few minutes.

Rationality wasn't in the driver seat now. I walked in the kitchen with a drunk man's confidence and was greeted by the magnificently bare abs. Victor had decided to abandon the pineapple print t-shirt, with just the tight blue Fuckboy shorts to maintain his decency. I need to think of ways to ditch my t-shirt too.

"Not getting sleep?" He took out another glass to pour me some water.

"Nah. Just finishing up some work." I dearly wished the lie would have been the truth because I haven't made any progress since this evening. I'm going to regret it so much tomorrow. Victor poured the rest of his water in the sink and asked me to join him on the sofa. I would have been worried about getting busy in the living room if his tone hadn't been so somber. Leaving my glass besides his, I wondered what has been keeping him up tonight?

His restless energy had doused the passion fire in my heart. Even I felt a bit tense and uneasy. What's this about? He was hunched over with his elbows resting on his thighs. He rubbed his forehead a few times before starting. "I have been meaning to apologize."

What? My baffled expression led him to continue on with his thoughts.

"Yesterday in my apartment when you had come over to take care of Maroon, I shouldn't have come on to you. It wasn't the time to do that and I'm really sorry."

This just brought out the loathsome events that followed that morning. It felt like a long time had passed since I had the psychotic death premonition episode. Death is such a mood killer. It had overtaken the irritation I had with Vic.

"I had woken up from such a surreal dream, not that it's a just explanation." His voice reached a new level of panic which I had never heard before. "I'm really sorry for making you uncomfortable that day."

"Victor" I pressed on his hand. "Calm down. I wasn't uncomfortable. It's not like I wanted to stop either." My protest didn't really have much depth behind them. "I was angry at you."

Acknowledging the scars on my heart. "I was angry because I felt like a replacement!" He angled himself towards me as I went on. "It just fucking hurt Victor. I'm not here because you can't find your soulfinder. I don't want you to be here because I haven't found mine either. I can't be the knock off version of your perfect soulfinder while your brothers parade around their perfect little princesses. I can't deal with that."

"I swear you are not a replacement. You are the furthest thing from ever being that."

"I don't want you to suddenly realize 10 years down the line that I'm not good enough for you. Being with you is always going to make me feel insecure and scared of losing you again."

He pulled me in his arms as tears spilled on my cheeks. "I'm afraid of losing you too. Not being able to help you, take care of you or even bring close to your league. I don't want to hurt you ever again."

I could feel his tears streaking down dampening my hair. We couldn't look at each other when we were so vulnerable. It would bring in a new wave of tears and pain. I hate that he feels that way about himself. Both of us are just ridden with insecurity of our own that we end up breaking each other up.

"Leaving you has always been my biggest mistake. I have hated myself ever since. I would do anything to just go back. Tell me anything and I'll do it." He begged as he buried his face in my hair.

"I can't tell you what to do Vic. I have so much shit going on in my life. It's been a downward spiral. I keep feeling shitty every day. I'm fed up with pretending to be okay. I haven't been okay for a long time." It felt good to say it to an actual human being and take some pressure off my chest. He caressed my hair till I finally calmed down.

"Pandora, I care for you and that's never going to change. I promise you that. You can talk to me about anything you want. I can't even imagine losing someone important to you. I'm here for you even if you just need me as a friend." Losing Ben isn't really in my list of worries now but I appreciate his offer. 

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This chapter is short because I couldn't divide the chapters right and ended up making the next chapter 5 pages long. So good luck for next week. (￣ﾊ￣*)

Btw I completely forgot to introduce the cat in the first few chaptersand now I have to remove him from fictional existence. I was going to show Vicwarming up to the feline and becoming the dad meme of refusing to get a cat andending up falling in love with it. (^˵◕ω◕˵^)