Pursuing Pandora

Chapter 6

Remembering him has left me wondering what life would have been with Vic. A normal life with fewer complications and a content presence. It is a beautiful yet unattainable dream. I crave for it.

At times like these I curse my life. It has been disastrous but I always keep reminding myself that I’m still alive, I have two legs, two hands and a properly functioning body. I have too much to be grateful for. I have a roof over my head and a job to pay my bills I should be happy. I should be really really happy. Still I want to cry and curse my existence. I should have died that day. I don’t deserve this life. I guess that is why it is so cruel and hurtful. I’m paying for my sins.

                 ‘Shut up Pan.’ I hear Ben’s voice in my head. I know it’s not real but that is exactly what he would say. “Sorry for acting like a wuss, brother.” I said looking at the stars. He might be there somewhere or must be chilling out in hell…whatever. Next time I meet Victor I’ll ask ‘why didn’t you call me?’ even though it sounds lame and desperate. I have the right to know how someone could reject a woman like me. I mean other than my psychological problems I’m great! Extremely beautiful, intelligent, independent, totally loveable, sexy…. I’m every guy’s dream. That guy has no right to reject me. I reject him instead. He’s just another handsome, smart, kind, loving, protective, hot… Okay it’s going take me a lot of time to forget him.

Resting my head on the glass of the taxi I let its cold touch heal my throbbing temple. I sighed looking at all the couples enjoying their romantic walks. The whole world is conspiring on making me feel miserable.

I hadn’t eaten much and the ice-cream stall on the sidewalk looked really tempting. “I’m hungry. Stop here.” I shouted at the driver. He gave me an annoyed look and stopped far away from the stall. Near the stall I could smell the sweet scent of the delicacies. There were a lot of variety to choose from but today I didn’t have the time for that. I eyed the chocolate containers. Hmm what should I take the Belgium chocolate or my all-time favorite Choco chip? Oh there is cotton candy too!

I looked up to give my order to find the guy behind the counter waiting patiently with a forced smile. “I’ll have Choco chip in a cup” should I take 1 scope or 2. Defiantly 1 the damage level is not that bad. The guy twitched his eyebrow to ask for more. I shook my head as he shut the glass. After adding some toppings I couldn’t see he presented it on the counter. I had to bite my lip to stop from saying I love you. He had added all the cute toppings he could find with a rolled waffle tucked on the side. I couldn’t stop smiling.

“This is the best thing that has happened to me today.” I said dropping some change on the counter.

“Must be a rough day! Enjoy! it’s on me.” He said cleaning up the counter. This didn’t surprise me; I get lot of free things with my smile. David was convinced I could even get away with murder with the smile.

 A girl clinging to her boyfriend gave me a disgusted look on seeing the glop full of calories I was having. So I purposely licked the spoon tenderly making a mess of the ice cream on my lips then seductively wiping it off. My actions made her boyfriend’s jaw drop and stare at me with vivid fantasies. This earned him a tight slap from his girlfriend.

I still got it huh. I’m still the Queen to whom all men will bow. My brothers used to say that to cheer me up.

In my haste to get home I bumped into a guy spilling all the ice-cream content on his coat. The man, a middle aged person with too much cologne barked at me for ruining his coat when he was going to meet his girlfriend. I kept my irritation in control and offered to pay him off. My offer had angered him even more, his temper rose with his voice attracting too much attention. I took a step back to get away from his spattering spit.