🌇 :: ✰ ❝ 𝚃𝙷𝙰𝙽𝚃𝙾𝙿𝙷𝙾𝙱𝙸𝙰 ༉‧₊˚🔫 | noun; fear of death or of losing someone you love. Except, in this case, he was never really mine, to begin with.
I could feel my heart thundering loudly against my rib cage, the adrenaline pumping through my blood. There we were, back in the same ballroom where we first met, no one around us for miles except the bright pearl white moon and the luminous stars that blanketed the enchanting night. They all paled in comparison to his big bright ocean blue eyes that you could so easily get lost in. His big bright ocean eyes filled with tears.
"Do it?" I said loudly.
"Pull the freaking trigger Nicholas"
We stared at each other in an odd way, as if it were a silent argument. Our glances battled each other until tears arose, and we found ourselves crying. I couldn't fight the urge to look at him. Not anymore. Without thinking twice, I turned my head around. we were face to face now. His strong muscular arm was holding a gun to my head. I could feel him strengthening his grasp on my wrists and his arm pulled me closer to him, making it impossible for me to escape.
I took a huge whiff of his muscular scent with a hint of metal and sulfur as I leaned back against his well-built body. The buttons of his shirt pressed against my back uncomfortably and my neck could feel the stubble on his chin as he leaned his neck against it. I watched him, fall weak, as I do so. He was going to kill me. I guess I knew this moment was coming, after all, he was here for that reason just part of me loved him so much I didn't want to believe he could do such a thing. He was a spy sent by my late father's enemies to kill me. what else was there to it? my father didn't raise me weak, he taught me to step, or get stepped on, and in this case, I had to step, literally.
"FUCK YOU" I yelled before I gave a hard stomp to his foot. As he yelled in pain I could hear him cursing in Italian, then the ricochet of metal against the porcelain tiles. before he could realize what happened I reached for the gun.
I aimed for his head before taking a few steps back. he was still in a daze from what had happened, funny how everything can change in a few seconds. I saw the looks in his eye. I began to doubt his motives, 'would he have actually shot me?' I question myself. Just then, I teardrop rolled off his cheek, it actually hurt him to see me like this. in fact, it hurt me too. I couldn't kill him, I loved him, no matter how many times I was hurt. slowly, I walk towards him. he was holding back tears trying to be strong, and in reality- so was I.
"look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me," I say confidently, but he wouldn't catch my gaze. he knew forever second he looked into my eyes, he would get a bit weaker. I walk closer, so close there were barely centimetres left between us.
louder this time, I say "Tell me you don't love me"
"Alex...." he surrenders and our eyes meet. instantly, I get lost in his intoxicating blue ocean eyes again.
I shove his gun back into his hand, but he stood there frozen. he wasn't going to shoot, I knew it, but I wanted him to suffer. All this time I was the marionette in his game of puppets, well how the turntables (tables have turned)
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I'm sorry I had to :)
I wrap his hands around the gun, putting his finger on the trigger. "Shoot me" I repeat. He looks me dead in the eye, full of confidence pointing the gun exactly at my head. a wave of worry washes over me. The colour drains from my face.
He pulls the trigger.
only I don't hear a bang or even a bullet. I search his face for an explanation.
"I emptied the cartridge right after they handed it to me," he tells me with a hint of joy in his voice.
I smile.
I run towards him, he catches me in his arms and we kiss. It wasn't like one of those close-mouthed kisses like you do when you're in eighth grade and you've never held hands before with a boy. He kissed me and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below my ear, his thumb caressing my cheek as our breaths mingled. he ran her fingers down my spine, pulling me closer until there was no space left between us and I could feel the beating of his heart against my chest And I loved it. I loved the way my body melted into his. The way our lips fit like two puzzle pieces. The way I relented as he played with my hair and held me tighter and tighter.
when he kissed me my brain lit on fire and the warmth spread throughout my entire body. After that I was addicted, I couldn't bear to be with him and I could barely breathe when he was around. Those kisses were my salvation and my torment. I lived for them and I would die with the memory of them on my lips. I dedicated my life to be with him from that moment, for I knew that if I lost him I would lose myself. he was the half that made me whole.
Thanatophobia? I never felt that way again. he was always by my side and never gave me a reason to be afraid. I started searching for a love like this at a young age, it was my dream. but as soon as I gave up on it, it came to me. you don't find a love like this. a love that consumes you and makes you feel elevated you think it's impossible to feel like this and that it belongs in a movie where reality doesn't exist. but the truth is, it finds you. When you find it, make sure you cherish it. every second of the day, don't you dare let it slip away because a love like this only happens once in a lifetime. it completes you.
