- - - - lost stories from quartzia - - - -

cold, cold, cold

hi guys the tenses are completely and utterly fucked up i hope you enjoy this shit lol help me 🤪✌️

tw // i think?? there's some self-harm mentions and tøp, a whole bunch of colors and i think that's all::
stay safe::iloveyou

smoke tufted through my lips, exiting my mouth
i choked, felt the smoke tickle my lungs and my throat and my eyes started to tear up.

i fell into a series of loud, painful laughter through my chokes, then fell to the ground, flat on my stomach.

more tears,
more laughter,
more smoke bubbling out of my mouth.

if livid was a word that didn't mean what it actually meant, i'd use it to describe how i felt at that moment.

it was a pitch black feeling with a sharp silver hanging through the middle, almost stabbing through my stomach.

i opened my mouth to scream for help but no avail.

no sound left my mouth
just silence.

i choked again and broke into a silent sob, shivering and struggling against the ground beneath me.

"somebody, somebody help me," i croaked out, but again.

nobody came.
nobody heard.

usually a sliver of bright green (the warm type that usually comes from people like robin and tyler) would swirl around me by now, providing the makeshift comfort that i'd need at that time.

but nobody came
not even the boy with the unruly brown hair, bold, black tattoos and the brown-to-red flickering eyes.
not even the girl with the short brown and purple hair (and hazel-green eyes).

i wasn't safe.
nobody could help me
i was cold,
cold, cold, cold.

freezing.
a bright red cold.

i even tried to scramble for my ipod and my airpods, but 'isle of flightless birds' slowed down and reverbed wasn't even enough to block out the wet powdery black, black feeling.

i couldn't dig out the blackness embedded in the crevices of the insides of my body, i couldn't clean myself out.

everything was dirty, dusty, dark,

and so, so, so cold.

the music that was supposed to be channeled into my ear canals were leaking out of the earpieces into the atmosphere of quartzia.

it could be felt
the lilac could be felt from everywhere, but this lilac didn't feel anything like the lilac that came from my twin-flame.

this was a sick lilac.
a poisoned lilac.
one that couldn't make me feel happiness.

the word 'happiness' sickens me these days.

it's such a deceiving soft blue color.
it's so fake and not what it's supposed to be.

it's so unreal.

then it hit me

this wasn't real.
this isn't real.

nothing was what it seemed.
nothing was real.
nothing was real.
nothing was ever real.

the worst part?
i was starting to believe it

red light slung onto my form, burning me with the coldness that felt like the coldness you feel when you lose the circulation in your leg.

1, 2, 3,

and i fell onto the ground