Yearly || Clifford

prior, again 2.6

Michael Clifford

359 days. We dated for 359 days. Three hundred and fifty nine days of pure bliss.

Then I fucked up.

"Dude. Are you sure you want to do this?" Cal asked. We were stood right in front of the line for the baggage check at O'Hare Airport.

I sighed, something I seem to be doing very often, "Yeah. Yeah I have to go."

"Bro. Look at me." I looked straight into his brown eyes. My best friend's eyes, "I know you have to do whatever shit you have to do. But I love you, man. And I know Zoe loves you too. And I know you love Chicago. So stay."

I laughed even though nothing was funny, "I highly doubt that Zoe loves me. If she loved me why would she leave?"

"Oh yeah. What exactly happened? Why won't you tell me?"

I looked down at my phone for the time (and also to see if there were any missed calls from Zoe) ((there weren't)) still four hours until my flight.

I can fill Calum in before I leave.

--

Six days prior

We had just finished a documentary on whales and were entering another on South Africa when I realized I had to tell Z that I was leaving. For good luck I took a deep breath and mumbled, "Hail Mary full of..."

"Wait. What?" Zoe looked up at me from her position on my chest.

"Nothing," I said still trying to figure out a way to break this to her, "I really love you Z."

Her face broke out into a grin, a real, huge, toothy grin, and it felt like blades digging into my heart and every inch of my skin, "I love you too." That Cheshire Cat smile seemed to glow in the grey room.

I did not want her to say that she loved me. I wanted Zoe to tell me that she's fucked tons of other guys and the only reason she is here is for my money.

But thats bullshit, I have no money.

All the air was pushed out of my lungs, "I love you so fucking much, please remember that."

Her head tilted slightly, like a puppy, "Okay? Why would I need to forget it?" Her hand went and stroked my cheek, "Hun, whats got you so worked up?"

I knitted my eyes together, "Zoey, I," My lungs collapsed, "I'm going home."

Her laugh resonated around the room, "Mike, this is your home. You," She stressed, "Live here." My Zoe joked, but god she did not get it.

"No," I shook my head, "I mean I'm going home, home." My heart cracked, "I'm leaving the thirty-first."

Her head was swinging slowly from left to right, she slowly questioned, "Home, home?" Her jaw dropped a little, "Like Australia, home?"

Her repeating it made it all to fucking real, "Yeah." I snapped, my anger at leaving showing in my voice and face.

She untangled her limbs from mine, and stood from the couch, "Woah mister. Don't get pissy with me. You just told me your leaving in six fucking days. What the hell, Michael."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

Honestly. What the hell, Michael.

I counted on Zoe to keep a level head about this, I expected her to calmly kiss me and everything would be fine, "I'm sorry. I thought you would act fucking differently." I stood and towered over my small girlfriend.

"Well," She started, sarcasm evident in her eye roll, "You chose a great time to tell me. Gave me plenty of damn notice. So I can act fucking calmly about my boyfriend of, nearly a fucking year, is moving across the world."

I scoffed, not thinking, "Excuse me. I knew I was leaving four months ago, but I never told you because I love you too damn much."

Oh fuck.

Her face turned crimson,"Four months?" She screamed, "You knew you were leaving four fucking months ago?"

"Yes I did." I screamed back. Doesn't she see?

I was protecting her.

"Why the hell are you leaving me?" Tears welled up in her eyes, I couldn't tell if they were out of sadness or anger.

Most likely both.

I let out a loud scream, "You don't get it. No one fucking gets it!" My voice was so loud, I could hear plates and my brain rattling, "I can't stay in one place for longer than a year." I screamed at the top of my lungs, maybe now they would understand, "Just- just like you have to change your lock screen all the time. I can't deal with it."

She laughed a humorless laugh as she pulled out her cell phone, "Mike," She said so quietly I almost didn't hear her , "My lock screen has been the same damn picture of us for 11 months. I haven't changed it because I love you."

"I love you too, but I," I stopped and stared at her. Memorizing the small scar above her left eye. Memorizing the deep blue of her eyes. Her full lips. The way that she could wear just a shirt and some shorts and still look absolutely perfect. And I didn't want to say it but,"I have to go."

"Okay Michael," She stepped back, already at the door. "If leaving is really that important to you." Her body stood in the open door.

"What. No. Zoey." My arm went to pull her in, but dropped limply, when I realized she was already gone.

"No Mikey." She brushed back her blonde hair, falling from her ponytail, "I still love you, I can't do a long distance relationship. Goodbye. Have fun in Australia."

And I suddenly had a door in my face.

--

Present

"So she just left?"

"Yep." My eyes hadn't left the scuffed linoleum floor since we sat down.

"Shit dude," Cal said clapping me on the back, "You really fucked up bro."

I ran my hands over my face and pushed off the floor into a standing position, "Yeah. I really did."

"This is shit, we're calling Zoey right now." Calum said angrily standing and searching for his phone in his jacket.

My hands steadied his frantic ones, "I have to go Cal."

I squeezed him tightly with the empty promise to talk soon.

"I'm really doing this." I muttered. Standing in front of the boarding area for my flight.

I glanced back to see if I would get to live in a cheesy rom-com.

The kind that Zoe hates.

So it was pretty obvious that she wouldn't want to reenact one.

She wasn't coming.

I boarded the plane.

--

(AN

SORRY BUT THIS STORY IS STILL HAPPENING!!!!

faith)