Cost of Taste (Published)| ✓

Kabanata 31

Kabanata 31

My life was messed up. I tried to fix it, saksi ang mundo kung paano ko sinubukan maging matatag at ayusin ito.

Ang nangyari kay Suzette, ang pagkahulog ni Tatiana sa hagdan, break-up namin ni Adren at ngayon naman ay ito. Ano? May hahabol pa ba? Mukhang di pa sapat 'yung sakit na pinaparanas saakin ngayon e.

Hindi na ako nag-atubili pa at hinanap kung nasaan ang damit ko. I look over the sheets and even below the bed, pero wala akong damit na nakita. Napamura ako nang mapansin na wala rito ang mga damit ko.

I know virginity is just an intact hymen — And not even everyone has an intact hymen. Virginity is just a concept — a social construct. It isn't suppose to measure someone's worth. Hindi ito ang basehan ng dignidad ng isang babae. Pero hindi ko lang matanggap na nabigay ko ito sa hindi ko kilala o sa taong walang importansya sa buhay ko.

I know people will judge me as if they know the whole truth. Ilang beses na ba akong natawag na 'pakerengkeng', malandi, pokpok? I've lost count already. Pero hindi ko 'yon pinapansin noon. It's not true. They don't have any basis. Pero ngayon...

It sucks. It really does.

"Hey," the guy called me. Agad akong lumingon sa kanya at umirap, gusto ko siyang sugurin pero nanghihina ako. Nananaig ang galit sa aking sistema.

"Ano?! Ang baboy mo! How dare you take advantage of someone who's drunk—"

"Hoy, kumalma ka nga 'te." Biglang lumambot ang boses niya. "Naiwan ko lang 'yung payong ko rito kaya binalikan ko. This isn't even my condo!"

"A-ano?" natigalgal ako at parang nasemento sa aking kinatatayuan.

"I was just shock to see you. Akala ko kasi break na talaga kayo ni Adren. Who would have thought he even brings you to his own condo? Di ko kayo kinakaya," he snorted, slamming the door shut as he left me with all the questions running through my mind.

Adren? This is Adren's condo unit?

Did something happen between us?

Tiningnan ko ang hita ko, although there were purplish areas on my thighs I don't really feel sore inside. Paano ko ba malalaman?!

The door opened again, revealing a familiar face who had a grim expression as his eyes landed on me.

"Arri," he uttered almost sounding affectionately. Pero hindi pa rin nagbabago ang ekspresyon niya.

"May nangyari ba sa atin?" diretsong tanong ko.

He slowly shook his head.

"If you want to confirm it, we can even have it tested—"

"No, I trust you." Bumuntong hininga ako, remembering what I told his mother about trusting him. "Why do I have bruises on my legs?"

His face hardened because of what I've said.

"Did you take any drink from any stranger last night?" tanong niya, avoiding my question.

Umangat ang tingin ko sa kanya. Do you think I even remember anything from last night? Wala nga akong maalala kundi naging tanga lang ako kagabi. I don't even remember calling you or anything! Kaya bakit ako nandito ngayon?

I shrugged my shoulders, avoiding his darkening gaze.

"I'll call Etienne for you," malamig niyang saad. He fished out his phone from his pocket and dialled a number.

Papanindigan niya ba talaga na maging ganito sa akin? And I couldn't blame him entirely. Pinagmukha ko siyang tanga. I should just accept that this really may be the end for us.