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Axelle | A love story in no man's land

Author: TheKalingaWarrior

Reviewer: ItsmeAxelle_

Chapters reviewed: 6

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Hey! I am really sorry if my review comes off as harsh!

First Impressions :

Cover and title :

Nope.
The cover is pretty mediocre, the title even more!
I'll tell you the exact reason.

When you have such a big character list, with such elaborate and off the hook planning and research, branding this incredible storyline into something like "A Love story in no man's land" will definitely make you lose readers. Period.

In fact, when I had looked over the comments to find books to review, I wasn't even tempted to read the book until I read the blurb. And trust me, majority of the readers don't even read blurbs, they simply assume according to covers and titles!

So please work on that aspect😊

Blurb:

Again some really pinching faults.

That kind of mention that what kind of a novel it is, kinda puts the story off.
Blurbs are basically supposed to give you the summary or a peek into the book. They have to be enticing long yet descriptively long.

They have to reveal just enough so the reader feels like they haven't read this before!
Your blurb has immense potential, the hyperlink mention, then the book structure! Don't put that in the blurb!

That entire last paragraph needs to be changed or add that as an author's note!
But for such an intricate plot, I cannot see this blurb doing any justice to it!
Add those words, "war, passion etc." Into your tags.
Try to create a really good impression so your book gets noticed and you're going to do well!

Plot:

Original, amazing, just kinda blows readers off!
I really like how you have researched into the cultures and places, the intertwining of their lives, the minute details etc.
I won't take that away from you!
However, I did not find the way it was written, appealing.
I will mention what was missing in the next heading.
But your plot is impeccable and trust me since you have so much material, your next draft will be really easy!
Great job!

Writing technicalities and grammar:

Here is where you went wrong.

•The plot is way too fast-paced.
Like chapter after chapter, we were unravelling the secrets so quickly, now I do understand that it is a big story so you will have to try to fit all the backstories and current line, but if you plan it well, make it a little suspicious and intriguing, the plot will flow wayyy smoother. I just felt you were kinda going in this organized way, like the first current than past, but you can experiment.
You can infuse the past stories with the current line, it will be so much better!
Try making it slowly, emotion by emotion, don't try to rush things, readers are more attached to the book when you make them feel attracted to the story!

• Work on your descriptions.
Like they are not bad at all, but the first time I read your book, I felt a little disconnect with the characters, the emotions were a little messily written, but you can definitely work hard!
Try reading a lot, proofread and try putting yourself in your own character's shoes, just a little finesse and detail is required.

• The structure of your book.
I would say that I love your research, the information provided just blows me away, all the different aspects.

Although you have way too many brackets under the foreign terms. Now I do get it that another reviewer has asked you to do so but you have included way too many details.
I mean what use of such intricacy if it kind of becomes too clumped?
I not saying its bad, but instead of stuff like "Now the bride will go for Urs" and you mentioning (Urs is the wedding)

You could easily add: Now the bride will go to the wedding ceremony, Urs.

Don't add this type of writing everywhere! Just gave you an example.

Also, your book a little is written in the form of a report, I mean no offence, it's just I didn't feel like I am reading a story that's all.
I think if you read more books written from the third-person narrative, you would have a clear idea.

Some suggestions I feel will definitely help you are:

Abigrace by __Carrots__

F.A.I.T.H by JoPRBooks
(Okay I recommend this to legit everyone😂)

Characters:

Again, blown away.
The kind of planning and brain-racking you must have done, wow.
Your characters are so diverse, culturally and also personality-wise!

Although you could work a little harder on them, just to actually make them stand out and be a gritty force.
Other than that, good going!

Final words:

Your book has like a heap lot of potential and truthfully speaking, I was really liking the plotline, I see this book having immense scope!

All the best and keep it upp😄💎❤

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Here was your review!
Hope you found it helpful!

Signing off,
Axelle.