All Tonight

New York City, September 18, 2020

"It still happened." Chris yells.

"It's not the same fucking thing Chris." I scream. I walk away from him before I get angry. I go to the room to change out of my clothes for the night. It's 2 am now and it looks like we're going to be arguing for a while.

Chris follows me into the room as I change.

"And the reason we broke up wasn't because I fucking cheated. It was because even though you said you forgave me I knew you didn't. You barely spoke to me, you didn't look at me, you wouldn't touch me and I rarely ever saw you. You treated me like shit." He counts his fingers as he goes along. "What was I supposed to do."

I laugh. "'I wouldn't touch you', is that your response whenever you fuck up or...?"

"Fuck you." He spits.

"Like you fuck some other girl?" I laugh again. Nothing is funny but the sheer thought of prodding at him and making him angrier is sending me. Always the same old excuses they say, hey we're completely right. Always the same, old fucking excuses.

I put my jewelry back in the box. How could I treat him anyway else after what he'd done. How was I supposed to look him in the face everyday knowing what he did and jut be fine with it. "You cheated Chris! What the fuck did you expect,? That I'd suck your dick and cook you dinner like everything was just peachy?" I spit the words like they're venom. I want them to hurt Chris.

"I know I fucked up Ava, we both fucked up before." He says. His voice is getting calm, trying to calm me down or make it seem like what he did was okay when it wasn't.

"Nothing compared to you though." I say.