UNSAID / HOOD

03

VIOLET LOCKHART

-

“I'm going to miss you.” How could I? How could I not have said that to him? Everyone single inch of me regrets it so much, how could've not have said so before he left?

-

When we were at the airport, we barely said a word to each other. The pain of letting him go was unbearable, after I grabbed him by the edge of shirt, he walked away and left.

I had finally found a home and 'home' was leaving.

Before he board the flight, he called me, I was at the metro station, about to go back home, I pressed my phone screen so hard to my cheek, the cracks on my screen were hurting me but it wasn't like the emotional pain I felt inside my heart.

"Violet, six months and I'll be back okay?" He said, "I promise."

I didn't say anything, I was too choked up to say a word, but I knew he understood what I meant.

"Hey, maybe," He said, trying to ease the tension, "you could write about us when I'm gone?" 

"I will." I did, Calum and I'm writing about us, right now. "Calum?"

"Yeah, Violet?" He answered, his voice sounded so distanced. "What is it?"

"Do you...do you ever wonder what will happen if we never met?" I asked, my voice was shaking, "What if this, love, or we think is love, never happened?"

"Why are you thinking this, Violet?" He asked, "If two people are put on to each other's path, it happened for a reason, and I'd like to believe what we're doing is right."

"Because, maybe if we never met, the pain we're both going through of leaving each other wouldn't exist." I said, throwing my head back, leaning against the wall, "I can't think about living six days with out you, let alone six months."

I dropped to the ground and sat there, in the metro station, people walking by, giving me strange looks, I didn't care because the words Calum was whispering in to the phone was like poems being patched in to a song, it was a song about being lost, being lost with the other, I can't quite remember to the lyrics to it now, but I remember the ache I felt in my heart when he sang the line.

"...with out you, I'm a lost boy."

After twenty more minutes of us just talking, he was about the board his flight, just before he hung up, he told me what I never had a chance to reply, "I'm going to miss you." Before I could reply, he hung up, part of me wanted to call him back and tell him how much I'm going to miss him and how my world wouldn't be the same with out him, but somehow, I didn't.

Every morning, I wake up, thinking maybe it would turn out differently if I told him, 'please don't leave', 'I'm sorry', 'I'm going to miss you', maybe, just maybe, things would be different, and he would still be here next to me.

But he isn't, because I didn't have the courage to say so.

Because of what I didn't say, he boarded the flight that led up to him leaving me forever.

Calum, I'm already missing you.