UNSAID / HOOD

EPILOGUE

VIOLET LOCKHART

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"Where are you and I'm so sorry, I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight. I need somebody and always, this sick strange darkness comes creeping on so haunting every time and as I stared I counted webs from all the spiders catching things and eating their insides like indecision to call you and hear your voice of treason. Will you come home and stop this pain tonight? Stop this pain tonight." — I Miss You, Blink 182.

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Two years, two years. Two years of knowing each other, and two years after losing each other, I am not the person I was before even I wish I was the person I was before.

Complicated, huh?

I like to believe there is only one chance, one chance of true love in everyone's life, and I've had mine and no one could ever replace where Calum was in my heart, no one can, really. And bouncing back from loving someone so much to just loving what they once had during their existence hurts. It hurts so much to have to say unwanted goodbyes.

Every morning, I wake up, and see the empty part of the bed next to me, and I sit alone at the table, staring at the empty chair. It was how I expected the six month to be like, but knowing he will never come back. I couldn't. I couldn't live with the growing pain inside of me, I was missing a piece of me that took over a big part of my life and I wanted the piece back.

"I'm going to miss you." "I love you." Those words replayed again and again in my head for the past years, I had never been able to over come what has happened, I couldn't go out, and all I could do was staying at home, mourning.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, and love leaves a memory no one can steal. Whoever said that losing a loved one gets easier through time was a big liar, it doesn't get easier, the spaces between the times you think about them grow longer, but then when you think about them again, it will still feel like someone stabbing you in the heart, creating uncontrollable pain that makes you not functional for days.

In his casket, he had closed eyes, his heart wasn't beating but our love was living.

Calum was the only love of my life, he was long gone, and I was guarding the virtual home we had together, but now he is gone, it doesn't matter anymore. When I think of home, Calum's name is at the tip of my tongue.

And I'm coming home to you, Calum.