The Boy in the Bookstore | l.s ✔

Twenty Three

Days til Louis' birthday: 18

Harry was getting slightly bored of all the snow by now. It had been fun to start with, but he was beginning to grow anxious. He missed his routine that he had at home and he missed being able to go outside. Staying with Louis was amazing, but he kind of missed his own space. They were very much-snowed in and beginning to run low on supplies. It had been five days since the snow had started to fall and it was still snowing heavily. The snowman that Louis and Harry had built for Fizzy was still standing proud in the back garden and the two boys had made a further three snowmen for Louis' other sisters. Harry could tell that Louis wasn't himself. He tried to help the older boy, but for a reason Harry didn't understand, Louis was trying to avoid him. He made a mental note to talk to Louis that night and see if he could help in any way.

Louis was up in his small bedroom, pacing around the floor. His head was just so full. He needed his own pace and his own outlet to get rid of all his thoughts. Normally, he would write lyrics but he didn't want to do something so private with Harry around. He walked towards the mirror that hung above his chest of drawers and studied himself. His face was pale and his blue eyes were bloodshot. He had purple bags under his eyes and etched on his face was a fake smile. He sighed deeply, hoping that Harry couldn't tell that he was feeling low but deep inside he knew that Harry virtually created hiding from feelings. The older boy was internalising everything, and the real reason he was avoiding his boyfriend was because he felt depressed and low. He knew from past experiences that when he felt this way he could go from completely fine to angry, and he didn't want Harry to see him that way. He just wanted to protect Harry.

A knock on his door jerked Louis out of his train of thought. It was Harry, who had picked up enough courage to talk to Louis about what was bothering him.

'Lou, can I come in?' Harry said, the door making him sound all muffled. Louis walked over and let Harry in, silently hoping that he would be able to control how he felt. He was happy that arry cared enough to check on him, no one ever seemed to notice when Louis was upset or miserable. He walked over to his bed and sat down, a sigh escaping his lips. Harry looked over at Louis, concerned.

'Hi, Harry.' he said flatly. He was happy to see Harry, he really was but he just didn't know how to express that. He hadn't felt this low in years, and it was beginning to scare him.

'You're different, bub. Talk to me, okay?' Harry said in a soft tone. He held Louis' hands in his, wincing when he noticed they were shaking slightly. The small gesture made Louis feel vulnerable and he let out a small whimper that soon turned into a sob. He faced away from Harry, not wanting his boyfriend to see him like this. He was meant to be strong, and fun-loving, and masculine. He was so ashamed of crying, he felt like it made him weak and pathetic. He couldn't help it though, because Harry actually cared. The curly-headed boy was sitting beside Louis, holding his hands as sobs left his boyfriend's body. Once Louis had calmed down a little, Harry began to wipe away to tears, leaving only the tracks on Louis' red cheeks.

'I can't help you i-if you're not gonna talk to me bub. Harry's here now, okay? I can take some of the pain away.'

'It's just so hard sometimes, love.'

'What is?'

'Life, I guess? If I were a different person it would be so much easier. I don't want to be me anymore.'

'Louis, I fell in love with you because of who you are. I love every part of you, okay?' Harry brought his hand up to Louis' cheeks and traced the tear tracks with his large thumb.

'It's okay to be scared... because you're different, Lou. You're different to anyone I've ever met, just because you have stayed around long enough to see the person I can be when I'm not scared to be judged.' Louis looked up at Harry who was smiling his small smile. Louis loved that smile. He cracked a small smile like Harry's. It felt so good to smile again.