Low Income Affection | S.M & C.C

Jane Doe

Shawn's POV

I had royally fucked things up. I was unsure as to why I was as harsh as I was. I was so happy for her but I let stress and fatigue overcome me and I took everything out on her. My beautiful girlfriend. I upset her. She didn't deserve any of the shit I pulled this evening and I knew that she didn't want to speak to me so I left her alone and didn't call back, hoping that she'd call me again. She never did. I was planning on going over to her apartment in just two hours after my shift was over so that I could fix things.

The emergency doors threw itself open as people were shouting for more hands on deck. I rushed over, not yet knowing what the case was.

Ariana, one of the paramedics turned to me, "Jane Doe...was hit pretty badly by another car."  I glanced over to the amount of blood that was being lost on the patient as doctors and nurses made attempts to stop the bleeding.

"We're losing her!" One of my colleagues yelled. After a few moments of chest compressions, I made the split decision to shock her.

"Clear!" I yelled, loud enough for everyone to take their hands off of the Jane Doe.

That's when I saw the face.

My Camila. She was covered in blood and was losing more and more by the minute. Her vitals were crazy and she was barely holding on as we just almost lost her had I not have shocked her.

Everyone began to get to work on fixing the bleeding and finding any damaged bones. I knew that I had to tell them who she was but I also had to lie and say that I only knew her because I've seen her around. If they knew that she was my girlfriend, they'd never let me help and I needed to help her. I couldn't help but feel that gut wrenching feeling that I had caused this. I had no idea where she was going but it still didn't make me feel any better that her last memory of me as of now was a terrible one. My father came in and I knew that he'd recognize her and that he'd kick me out of the room.

His eyes widened in fear as tears now streamed down my face.

"What happened?"

"She was hit by a car but no one knows who she is." One of the neurosurgeons explained.

My father looked over to me with an apologetic look, "she's my son's girlfriend."

Just then, I was kicked out of the room as I wasn't in the right state of mind to help her. I wish I could. I was terrified. She wasn't in a good state as of now and who knows what could possibly happen. It's never been this way. Usually, it's me in the operating room as loved ones of the patient waited anxiously. Now, I was the one waiting.

I slid my back down against the wall in front of the room where they were taking care of her in. I felt defeated and I prayed. I prayed to all the gods out there that she'd be okay. Camila always prayed and I knew that she was a firm believer of God. So, I tried to pray. I prayed that she'd be okay and well and that she'd recover and I'd have the chance to ask for her forgiveness and tell her just how much I loved her. My mother slid down next to me and rested her head on my shoulder as she attempted to soothe me with her words.

"She'll be okay, Shawn." She whispered.

Just as I was going to believe her, the door opened and they began to wheel her down the hallway. I stood to my feet, gripping onto one of the other Cardiothoracic surgeons, begging for answers.

"She has a ruptured spleen which is causing internal bleeding."

I knew what that meant. If she lost enough blood, she'd die. My heart sank and I made several attempts to run to her and help but I was being held back by my dad, my mom, and a nurse. Tired, I gave up and fell into my parents arms, clutching their collars and sobbing, apologizing several times hoping that Camila could somehow hear me.

If she died, I don't think I could possibly live. Not just because of the guilt that would be eating me alive but because I was so in love with her and I couldn't imagine my life without her. Now, I was angry with myself and whoever it was that caused the accident as I now knew that it wasn't at all her fault.

"This is all my fault," I choked out, mumbling into my mother's shirt. "It's not your fault." My father reassured me. I was unconvinced. It was my fault. It was my fault that she's hurting and it's my fault that I ruined things with her. It was soulfully my fault and there was no one else to blame but me. If I had just pushed my stress aside and listened to her and showed her how much I cared, she would've felt more comfortable.

"I can't just sit by and not do anything while she's suffering-" I began to stand but I was pushed back down by my father.

"Son," my father spoke gently, "there's nothing you can do."

My voice was brittle as I spoke, "I-I love her."

Tears now fell from my parents eyes. They smiled sadly at me, "we know you do."

"I'm never forgiving myself for not being there for her." I cried again. I didn't give 
the sympathetic looks I received any attention as my concern was somewhere else. Someone else. I turned to my parents, looking into their tearful eyes, "I don't know what I'd do without her." I said, honestly. They nodded, knowing that they couldn't argue with me on this because they also had no idea what I'd do without her. She was my person and I was so desperately in love with her. If I could, I'd switch places with her and be the one in uttered pain and discomfort. I knew that I needed to inform Camila's parents about what was going on but I also knew that I would barely be able to get through the whole story without the sharp pain coursing through my heart.

I let sleep take over my body as I fell into a deep slumber but waking up a few times to nightmares of Camila dying and me being informed. An hour or so later I woke up and I was sadly reminded by my parents that I had to call Camila's parents and Dev. I began with Dev and my eyes shut tightly as I heard her voice quiver as she asked what hospital. As for Camila's parents, it was the hardest thing to do as my heart clenched at the desperate cries that rang through my ears. They said that they'd be here as soon as possible.

"I-I can pay for your plane tickets if you need me to-"

"Don't w-worry about that, S-Shawn...you've already d-done s-so much for my little girl." Ale choked out and I felt the guilt wash over me once more. I could've done more for her. There was so much I could've done right. Instead, I messed everything up and now she was suffering more than she should've been. She shouldn't be suffering at all.

A/n

This shit HURT what the hell????