Scarred

22. On the Edge

Clary pov

Ever had a nightmare on repeat? One you cannot escape. You feel trapped and when you find a way out it restarts. I was in a loop hole.

I walked across the crusted ground. Rubble covered the dry desert like place, as well as bones from the deceased creatures and angel knows what else.

The air was humid and oppressing but the heat was enough to scorch you alive.

No life to roam but the monsters you would be scared of when you were a kid. Demons of all sorts: Iblis, Moloch, Behemoth, Eidolon, Raum, Ravener, Shax and some flying ones that were unseen by most shadowhunters since they came from deep within Edom.

Everything smelt of death and burnt flesh, the air was perilous. I could even choke on the ashes of the burning fires all around the treacherous land.

Everything was in flames. Even the sky that was a dark orange and crimson, contrasting with some of the black smoke seemed like it was searing. Above all else boiling lava coated the floor of a monstrous tower that was also in flames.

Seconds later a wooden stake appeared before me and chained to it was an angel. It's scream was thunderous and continuous as it tried
breaking out of the chains. I felt the pain as he screamed.

As I took a step closer towards the angel I saw that he had lost his glow from the chains that captured him but he still held some of the radiance.

His wings hung low from the back and when he turned to me he had a pained look on his face. That look was unforgettable because of who it represented.

The angel had those piercing golden eyes that I had known so well. "Jace." I whispered in a small voice that now I wish accentuated for confidence but I needed time to really look at Jace as an angel.

In a hurting voice he murmured, "Why.. w.. would you do that to me?"

"Because I can." Sounded a cold voice that just hearing it would make you shiver.

I turned immediately to be met with dark eyes so black that you could get lost in them, it was like the obsidian was found within them. One look and they would strike fear into any soul. It was another angel this time with dark wings that could engulf anyone and suffocate them. His ash blonde hair was nearly white and in away blended with his pale skin. He was a deadly figure.

Adrenaline pumped through my body
and my heart felt like it would explode. My eyes wide with shock as I made the simple recognition, only it was too difficult to process.

"J.. Jonathan." I was frozen.

As I glanced towards where Jace had been still attempting to break free I felt something cold in my hands.

I stared at where Jonathan stood moments ago but now he had disappeared along with the shadow he had casted over me. It had all faded.

I studied my hands to see what the cold metal they held was and as I payed attention to it, it was a dagger splattered with blood. My hands to were covered in blood as were my clothes and nearly everything had blood stains.

Аs I peered over to where Jace was he too was smeared in blood but then I noticed his massive wound across his chest.

No. I couldn't have. I would never hurt Jace. This is obviously a trick. I would never harm him.

I stood there as if I was paralysed. I had a lump in my throat from the inability to swallow. The fear thoughts were on a loop. Could I have really have done that to Jace?

A pool of blood could be seen beneath him. It was the final trauma that broke me.

"Jaaccceeee!" Emotional pain flowed out of my eyes. I screamed his name in hope to wake up from this never-ending nightmare. The world was now a blur as the image of his slow death and the pouring blood kept appearing. My breathing was heavier then before and my throat burned from the screams of his name.

Jace pov

5 days since Clary had been poisoned by the venom. It's been so long since she has been conscious and I was starting to forget the precise green of her eyes.

All my hopes hung on to her uneven breathes. She breathed and even when my brain told me that was nothing, it was hope that helped me endure. Why? Because reality absorbed all happiness when it takes away.

I took a grasp of her hand rubbing circles with my thumb. "I know you probably cannot here me but I will never leave your side. I never did."

I inhaled the lifeless air before continuing to talk to Clary. "I promised myself that I would protect you. Although I knew you were more than capable of doing it yourself I too wanted to keep you safe from the burdens that haunted your past. I promised that I would try to protect you from all of that until my last dying breath. B... but I didn't manage. I... I let you down. "

A few lonely tears rolled down my face as I said those words to her unmoving body. "Live Clary, live." I kept repeating with the faith that she would listen.

She's alive I knew it at that moment. Clary stirred and shuffled in the bed as if she was trying to get free from something. Her palms as well as forehead were sweating and I could tell that she was somewhere nightmarish. Though I was glad to see a sign that she in fact was far away from the edge of the cliff I couldn't let her suffer. She squirmed beside me so much I was worried that she would fall out of bed any minute.

Clary had clutched my hand in hers holding to it as if her life depended on it, maybe it did. She held it so tightly that her knuckles were pure white.

"Clary! Clary, wake up." I shook her lightly to prevent her from getting a heart attack.

Her eyes shut completely like she couldn't believe what was happening in front of her. If only I could know what she dreamt.

"Clare you're having a nightmare. Get up." I pleaded her while shaking her less carefully.

"J.. Jonathan." I heard her say like she was appauled by this said person. Who was he?

She started twisting and writhing even more as if she was a fish on hook. More droplets of sweat appeared on her for head and it was obvious I had to wake her up soon or else she would continue to go through the undergo.

"Jaaccceeee!" She wailed for me. Salty drops rolls down her cheeks as she brakes into raw sobs.

I shook her vigorously while screaming her name. She jolted up almost hitting me in the process. Her breathing was so heavy it sounded like she was having a panic attack.

I rubbed her back trying to relieve her from the monsters she had to battle. "Shhhh, it's OK. I am here." I whispered softly to her.

She seemed shocked to see me as her eyes wondered all around probably trying to figure if I was real or not.

She took me by surprise by jumping into my arms. "You're alive. I thought you were gone an... and I co.. couldn't h... help you." She sniffled more tears falling from her eyes onto me. I didn't mind because all I wanted to do was caress her in my arms.

"Yes I'm real and I will never leave your side. I'm so sorry Clary."

She tilted her head still holding me tightly denying that it was my fault. At the moment I couldn't be happier. I was holding Clary in my arms again.

"Don't apologise." She quietly spoke. "If anything I have to."

"Why?"

"Because you keep seeing like this. You keep having to go through my break downs."

"I'm glad because you never have to hide your emotions for me Clary." With a gentle hand I stroked her head.

"I know. Thank you." She smiled and it was the best thing I have seen in days. If I had to wait another a thousand years just see her smile, I would.