The Height of Fame

Chapter 14

I run off the stage out of breath, overworked and utterly exhausted. We've been back on tour for five days. The only real sleep that I've gotten was four hours two nights ago and it was only a byproduct of mixing the Oxy with my pen. My anxiety has spiked again, leaving me barely able to eat, let alone function, without being high. I think my sisters are beginning to notice. 

Amy sprints, trying to catch up with me before we reach the dressing room. I slow down to let her. 

"That never gets old, does it?" she asks happily. 

"No, it doesn't," I agree chuckling. Despite my tired condition, I can still appreciate the sheer awesomeness of what's happening around me. 

"So," Amy says switching gears. "You and Connor don't seem to be that close anymore." 

I sigh. It's true. I've been ignoring him since we got back on the road. Partly because of what was printed in the press. Partly because I've been too high when we aren't performing. I'm even falling behind on my work for the channel. 

"No, we aren't," I confirm to her. 

"Is it because of the rumors?" she asks. 

I sigh again. Wanting this conversation to be over. 

"Yeah, kind of." 

"Oh. I'm sorry. That's too bad. You guys seemed like pretty good friends." 

I shrug. "Life goes on Ames." 

Thankfully, she doesn't push it further, letting the conversation die. We're almost at the door to our dressing room when she turns to me. 

"Hey, if you ever need to talk or anything...I'm always here," she says pausing to study my face. I force a smile. 

"I know. Thanks." 

We go inside and fall into our routine of taking turns with the shower while packing up our stuff, getting ready for bus call. Soon enough, we are all back on the bus and on our way to the next city. Christina goes straight to the back of the bus to call Nick, leaving the five of us in the living room. 

"Want to watch a movie?" Dani suggests. My other three sisters agree eagerly, still too high off the show to go to bed. I, on the other hand, have surpassed my social intake limit for the day. 

"I think I'm going to try to get some sleep," I tell them. 

"That's a good idea. You look pretty tired," Lisa says. 

Although she doesn't mean anything by it, her comment annoys me slightly. 

"Yeah, night guys," I say bitterly. I stomp off to my bunk hearing Katherine ask the other girls what's wrong with me. 

I climb up and draw the curtain around my bed before propping up my pillow and pulling my phone out. I immediately open YouTube and pull up our video which premiered earlier today. I didn't even get to watch the final cut before Lisa uploaded it. I've been that out of touch with everything.

I plug my headphones in and hit play. We filmed the cover on the streets in Santa Fe. There are a bunch of features from fans that came up to us while we were filming. The bloopers are mainly Lisa, Dani and Katherine goofing around and dancing but I'm featured for about thirty seconds yelling at Dani to stop touching me and leave me alone. Lisa's editing skills have turned it into a funny moment for the fans but I notice a look of hurt register on Dani's face while I yell at her.

Pushing away my guilt, I scroll down to the comment section and begin reading.

You guys are so awesome! Loved your show last night!!

Amy killed her solo.

Ahhhhhh! Can't believe you guys covered this!

The next comment makes me frown.

Anyone notice how tired Lauren looks?

I scroll some more but only find more similar comments.

Dude, do you see how dark Lauren's eyes are?

Lauren looks like she's about to fall asleep while filming this lol.

Crap, I think. I know Christina, and sometimes Amy, reads the comments. No doubt they'll see those ones. I keep looking through them, counting to see how many of them are like this but I lose track after twenty.

The adrenaline in my body starts to bubble up in my chest and I try to ignore the panic over a possible confrontation with Christina.

Of course you're tired Laur, I tell myself. We all are. Touring is a lot. Just tell Christina that if she brings it up.

I nod to myself, knowing this is the only possible option I have. Sighing yet again, I grab my backpack and pull out my pen and another tiny little white pill. I need sleep and this is the only way I'm going to get it.