talk.

𝐬𝐢𝐱𝐭𝐡

𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 

𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝 

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐡𝐚

𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲-𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐚𝐠𝐨

i'm sitting in taeyong's room, my knees up to my chest.  yukhei and jungwoo are here. it's the last friday before school starts. i keep my eyes on the tv screen. taeyong's phone rang. he answered. it's yuta. "hey guys! i'm having an end of the year party at ten. wanna come?" i could hear the smile in his voice. 

taeyong grinned and nodded. "sure, man. we'll be there."

i opened my mouth to say that i probably wasn't allowed to be out as late as them, but taeyong shot me scary glare. i clamped my mouth shut. 

later, it was ten twenty five. i left the house with the others. the night air was warm. we walked about for about two blocks when we reached yuta's house. i heard the loud music from here already. i heard a girl belting out an old iu song. we entered the backyard. yuta saw us and ran over, smiling brightly. "you guys came!" he wore a sleeveless denim vest and jeans that hung slightly low on his hips. he held a bottle of something that i didn't know. his bare chest gleamed. i self consciously looked down at my oversized yellow shirt, white athletic shorts, and dirty white sneakers. 

i soon got separated from the boys. i moved through the huge crowd of people. i got handed a drink in a red plastic cup. i took a sip. "it's good huh?!" someone yelled to me. i nodded mutely. i refilled my cup three times. i found out it was beer. after maybe half an hour, i needed to go somewhere quiet. i found a secluded area near the large cluster of trees behind yuta's house. i took a few deep breaths, instantly feeling more comfortable in the calm, quiet area. i stayed there for about two minutes before i heard someone move behind me. i turned around. it's yuta. he smiled. "hey kitten. why're you back here? you're way too pretty to be hiding out in the dark."

okay, is this weird? yuta has always been confusing to me. he can be nice to me one minute, then act like i don't exist the next. before i could contemplate what to say, i was pulled into yuta's larger body. my head was level with his shoulder. he tilted my face up to his and kissed me. it was a man kiss. hard and deep. nearly knocked me off my feet, that kiss. we could still hear the music and we swayed gently to the song. i laid my head on his chest, not knowing what to do. one arm slid around my back, and his other slid down to my butt. i thought that was a little rude, but my tongue was thick with beer and i didn't know how to tell him to slow down. a cloud blocked the moon.

"do you want to?" 

huh? i look up at him confused. we're on the ground. when did that happen? the grass is damp. he's on top of me. my hand pushes his chest. "no." i say. or did i think it? i mumble something. 'taeyong needs me', 'i'm not supposed to be out late', 'i have to go to the restroom'. i can hear myself. i'm mumbling like a deranged drunk. open my mouth to breathe, to scream, but he covers it. i wiggle under his arms and i kick my legs but he doesn't care. he is so heavy. there is a boulder on top of me. the voice in my head screams as clear as a bell. 'no i don't want too!'  but i can't spit it out. i'm still trying to remember how we got on the ground and where the moon went and WHAM! shirt up, shorts down and the ground feels wet and dark and NO! i'm not really here i'm back in taeyong's room watching R-rated movies that we got from the adult movie store and he smells like beer and mean and he hurts me hurts me hurts me hurts me hurts me