Chenzel; Breaking Point

Silent Thinking

A/N

This was the first part of the story i wrote. Ive known what has happened all along. Iv edited this over 100 times to get it perfect. This sad, i will admit, but i can vent through this too, bc i went through this too. ENJOY, BUT IN ADVANCE

SORRY..........

Idina drew the shower curtain and turned the shower on. Idina stood silently waiting for the water to get warm. She was thinking about Kristin, no, she couldnt think about Kritin, because she would get emotional agan. Idina shook her head and stepped into the shower. She was so upset, she just wanted all the pain to go away. Forever.

Idina started to scrub off the green from her face and hands.

Idina had tried to keep it all together, trying to be strong, so people wouldn’t see the real her that she had bottled up and hidden away for so long. She had been staying strong all this time, for Kristin, for Wicked for the public for the newspapers for her fans. For everyone but herself, she didn’t feel deserving of anything. She utterly hated herself. But she never thought about it long enough to stop and question it. Why did she hate hersef? Why did she feel sp worthless?

Once she had all the green of, she started to wash her body normally with some sweet smelling body wash that she and Kristin liked to use. But it brought it all back, how she loved Kristin but she was letting her down. How was Kritin going to react if she died? But thats where her trail of thought stopped. Because any longer, she would of backed out.

She still thought of Kristin. How she was leaving her all the time to be alone. Her head was racing with everything the public had been saying about her. How people didn’t like her and thought she couldn’t sing.

All the hate that Idina had kept to herself. Botteled up for so long, even Kristin didnt know about it, and she told her everything. Idina broke down. She just cried, she rubbed her face, her mascara smuged all down her face. The water was getting into her eyes. Idina at this point just didnt care anymore. The brunette, with her damp hair lying just below her shoulders, put her arms down her bare sides, put her back against the wall and gradually slid down the wall of the shower.  Idina was not crying fully, her eyes went all puffy and her cheeks went red.  She lay in a heap in the corner of the shower, with the water still running and gently splashing of her naked body.

Idinas head was racing with awful thoughts and feelings. She felt unloved, pathetic, like she was never good enough, she hated herself, and she felt no one wanted to be around her anymore. She had no friends. No one she could open up too. She had been meaning to tell Kristin about her feelings, but she just couldnt, she loved her to much.

Idina didnt want to scare Kristin off,  she felt worthless. Kristn had a breakdown only last week, she couldnt pile this pressure onto Kristin too. She loved Kristin and Kristin loved her. Idina knew that, but it wasnt about that. If Idina didnt love herself, then she was never going to be happy. She felt like giving up; she wanted to give up. The fright she got when Kristin had the panic attack, the show, everything. 

Idina was uncontrolably crying, she was so lost. There was no going back now. She was very vulnerable. She had to do it, now.

She looked around the shower, and saw all over her soaps lined up on the shelf, she had her special soap for getting the green of, a soap for her and Kristin, shampoo and conditioner,  and next to that.

Was her razor.

A/N

Ihave the rest of this on my computer as we speak. All written up. YOU GUYS WANT THE REST OF IT? BC IF YOU DO I WILL UPDATE THIS TONIGHT. COMMENT YES. IF I GET 3 COMMENT SAYING YES, ILL UPDATE TONIGHT.

THANKS!