Broken // MarkBam

five // the accident

BamBam felt what he thought was an unnecessary amount of nerves as he walked into the University compound. This wasn't like him, he rarely got nervous. He was the 'look at me' kind of guy, not the 'I don't exist' kind. At that moment, though, all he wanted was not to exist. 

He could hear whispers all around him as he passed by groups of people, and he actually felt alone. Who was he going to hang out with now? The 7 of them always ate lunch together. He and Mark always walked to class together. What was he going to do without them? 

You should have thought about that before cheating on your boyfriend and turning the only friends you have against you. 

Shaking away the annoying voice in his head, he turned a corner and came face-to-face with Yugyeom. 

Yugyeom.

It wasn't like BamBam had forgotten that he, Mark and Yugyeom would be in the same class that morning, it was just that he'd been trying his best not to think about it. All his mind had been full of how he'd apologise to Mark, if he had a chance to. 

"Bam," Yugyeom started, a look of concern on his face. "Are you-" 

"Don't," BamBam replied, walking past him and entering the lecture hall. He didn't want to see Yugyeom, let alone talk to him. This whole stupid situation was partially his fault anyway.

For making me feel... 

Bam dismissed memories of that night from his mind. However Yugyeom had made him feel for one tiny moment was pretty irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. His friends were disappointed in him and the boy whom he loved more than anything was hurt. 

His eyes scanned the room and he headed for where he and Mark usually sat. He wasn't there. 

Augh.

Of course he decided not to sit here, he doesn't want to see me. He hates me. 

Frustrated tears began to form in his eyes and he noticed that a few people were looking at him. Huffing, Bam sat down and aggressively took out his books. Looking up, he halted to see Mark approaching a few metres away from him, stopping in his tracks when he saw Bam. An unreadable expression came onto his face and he turned around to sit somewhere else. 

BamBam looked down at his books and sighed, taking them out more slowly. 

I can't force things to be okay. 

He opened the first page of his notebook, and noticed a tiny heart in the corner, one Mark had drawn when they'd been studying together. He brushed his thumb over it. 

We all just need time. 

*the next day*

"Thanks," Mark said, taking the cup of coffee Jinyoung had held out to him. 

"No problem," Jinyoung replied, sitting next to Mark at a round table in the University library. 

They studied in silence for a while, Jinyoung occasionally casting Mark a glance, and wondering how a boy could look so good merely reading a book. 

Mark didn't notice Jinyoung, though, and he was barely reading anything in his own book. All he could think about was BamBam, and all he was trying not to think about was BamBam. His whole being seemed to be a whirlpool of emotions and thoughts.

He had to give Jinyoung some credit though, he'd taken Mark in when he was at his lowest and managed to make him feel like everything might just be okay.