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Chapter 13: Long time No see

The Daily Ramen, January 9

OUR DUMB WORLD - Things that are going on in other places that you couldn't care less about. Weekly international and political news column by Nara Shikamaru

Japanese airbag manufacturer, Takata, suffered a major economic blow when it had to recall tens of millions of airbags that had been installed in cars around the world. The largest market effected was the US, where over thirty million airbags needed to be handled. The recall focuses on the hot airbags that had a flaw in their filter, causing them to go off prematurely and with too much forced hot air, sometimes blowing up and damaging those around them. Based on this description, the entire US Congress was accidentally recalled. This has been clarified by doing the recalls by 'vehicle identification number' to avoid further confusion.

IN OTHER NEWS - If you think you didn't care about Nara's stuff, you REALLY won't care about this. Weekly local news column by Uzumaki Naruto

Local man doesn't understand why he didn't get the job as an accountant when he told the HR person that he was more of a people person than a numbers person. "I just don't understand it," the young man bemoaned. "I did everything that the interview guide I read told me to do. I stressed that my strength was in working with people, because I knew that there would be people in the office I worked at."

When asked which interview guide he had read, he explained it was the HR guide. Since it was HR that would be interviewing him. His friend sitting next to him rolled his eyes. "You're supposed to look up questions for the position you are applying for, not for the position that will be interviewing you, dumbass."

"Really?" the man asked, clearly uncertain about the advice. Word on the street is that this is why his friend has a job and he doesn't.

I SAW WHAT YOU DID THERE - Seriously, people. If you don't know what you're doing sexually, can you please just keep it in your own bedrooms? Weekly column by Hyuuga Hinata

A couple behind me at the McDonald's drivethru gave new meaning to the company's slogan "I'm lovin' it". As the young couple approached the speaker box to deliver their order, I saw the girl lean over in the seat. At first I thought she might just be looking for her purse or picking up loose change from the floor to cover the cost of the meal. But as her head began to bob vigorously up and down, I realized that her boyfriend was being doubly served on his lunch break. He was able to articulate their order before rolling up his window and leaning his head back while she finished the job, luckily before they pulled up to the window where the attendant leaned out and gave them their food. Although the girl had already consumed her protein for the day. They get a 7 for effort, but he earns a 3 for stamina, since it was clearly over in under two minutes.

NOTE TO MY READERS: I've recently received a lot of discussion about pick-up lines as being precursors to PDA. Depending on the graphic nature of the line, they can almost cross into PDA themselves. Tell me your worst! Or best. Next column will be an evaluation of the best and worst pick-up lines.

DUMBASS OF THE DAY - Because some people are just so dumb, they really do deserve an award for it. Weekly award by Inuzuka Kiba

In our continuing theme of criminals not realizing that they should stay the fuck away from social media when they're on the run, one local criminal found himself arrested after 'liking' his own wanted poster on facebook. Of course, being the facebook junkie that he was, his account also contained up-to-the-minute status reports of all his latest activities, including where he was having dinner that night.