Give us our Daily Ramen

Chapter 20: Confrontations

The Daily Ramen, May 22

OUR DUMB WORLD - Things that are going on in other places that you couldn't care less about. Weekly international and political news column by Nara Shikamaru

Another random religious group has made a prediction that the world will end on October 7, 2015. While hoping to be the group to finally call it correctly, they acknowledge that they will be fine with the 'runner-up' prize of at least making the Wikipedia list of 'List of dates predicted for Apocalyptic Events'. Like many others on this list, the group reserves the right to revise its predictions. Of course, feel free to leave them all your worldly possessions in the meantime.

IN OTHER NEWS - If you think you didn't care about Nara's stuff, you REALLY won't care about this. Weekly local news column by Uzumaki Naruto

Local waitress is really fucking tired of having to say "Have a nice day" to everyone. "Why do I have to tell them to have a nice day even if they are a total asshole to me? I mean, if someone leaves me a good tip, then I'm more than happy to say it. But if I just spat in someone's salad for being a dick, I really don't want to have to tell them to have a nice day. Really, I hope they get the plague. Or at very least, miss their bus." I was careful to be very polite to her while ordering. And I didn't order the salad.

I SAW WHAT YOU DID THERE - Seriously, people. If you don't know what you're doing sexually, can you please just keep it in your own bedrooms? Weekly column by Hyuuga Hinata

The concept of PDA was taken to a whole new level at a high school prom when the prom king and queen decided to 'educate' the virgins in the class by demonstrating the proper technique for the basic sex acts including blow jobs and the 'cowgirl' position. By all accounts (which hit facebook, snapchat and twitter within three seconds), they did a passable job. Unfortunately, their parents were 'friends' with some of their 'friends'. Sorry, kiddos. Next time you want to do a demonstration, make sure you have your friends leave their phones at the door if you don't want anyone outside the room to see the show. Needless to say, both teens are now grounded until graduation. At which point their careers in porn will be waiting for them if college doesn't pan out.

DUMBASS OF THE DAY - Because some people are just so dumb, they really do deserve an award for it. Weekly award by Inuzuka Kiba

It is sad that there are so many stupid people out there that governments are required to create specific laws to try to control it. Do enough people really try to name their child Adolf Hitler or God or . (a period) or 'sex fruit' that you have to make a law against it? Evidently the US is full of dumbasses, because they have laws that make it illegal to do exactly that. And people actually get caught violating them. wtf. Dumbasses. Like kids don't have a hard enough time in middle school without that shit.

BAD SHIT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU - But at least now you know. Weekly horoscope by Aburame Shino

To the rabbits: It's been over a month! Time to go get yourself checked at the local clinic to minimize the number of 'awkward' conversations you'll have to have if you test positive for anything. My dragons: Don't sink to the level of your detractors. Instead, sink even further and show them how it's REALLY done. To the Oxen: You feel relief when you realize that the voices you thought were in your head are actually just your neighbors talking. Your sense of relief fades, however, when you ask yourself why they are creepily giving you instructions to kill people through the walls.