The Prince And The Rose

19 - i hate u i love u

Natasha thought it incredibly indicative of how her life went that her soulmate was a hopeless romantic.

Not just brainwashed by the idea of soulmates like most people. No, somehow she'd gotten stuck with one of the ones who had no delusions about the perfection of soulmate relationships but who quietly held out hope that he could win her affection.

Not likely. Natasha Romanoff didn't give a rat's ass about soulmarks or "the spark" or love or any of that nonsense.

She had a soulmark, yes, but she did her best to forget about it, blotting out the word on her shoulder blade with makeup. Some people got words, some got whole sentences. Whatever their soulmate first said to them. All she got was the word "Ma'am." Who was her soulmate anyway, an old Southern gentleman? Not that it mattered. If she ever met them, she'd do her best to forget she ever had.

SHIELD had pretty strict policies about soulmates and anything related to them, because the bond such couples shared would be a distraction in their line of work. For her, it had never been a problem; she didn't even want to find her soulmate, so most of the regulations didn't apply to her.

Learning that Clint had a soulmate had stunned her. He was one of the best agents she knew: determined, compassionate, focused. And all that with not only a soul bond but a wife and kids... She didn't know how he managed.

"The bond isn't as evil as you and SHIELD make it out to be," Clint told her once, amused, when she asked. "It can be scary, and I think it's hard for Laura, but... It's not overpowering. And she knows I'll always come home." He chuckled. "The emotions I get from her end are mostly normal ones anyway. Mom stuff."

So Natasha tried to keep her cynicism to herself around him because it was evident that his soulmate had turned out to be perfect for him. A rare circumstance, she was sure.

...

The whole idea of the Avengers was uncomfortable from the start. Natasha didn't want to work with a bunch of strangers, didn't want to have her file read by any new team member who happened along. She was a spy, not a soldier or a warrior. Clint didn't say so, but she thought he agreed with her.

Of course, once Loki actually appeared and Clint was compromised, the Avengers idea suddenly looked a lot better. Never mind that she didn't want to deal with Stark again and never mind that Captain America was a lot more impressive in history books than in his file. She could handle annoyances for the sake of the job.

Her first thought on seeing Steve Rogers was that he was a lot taller (and hotter) in person. Still, he looked young, so much younger than a war hero like himself had a right to look. He held out a hand for her to shake. "Ma'am."

Oh, Lord no. He wasn't, was he? She debated what to say, even though if he was her soulmate, all her deliberation wouldn't make a difference. She ignored his hand, returning a simple, "Hi."

From the look of genuine excitement and uncertainty on Rogers' face, it was apparent that she'd said the word that was his soulmark. She didn't touch his hand, knowing that if she did she'd be screwed.

People usually called it "the spark": it was the feeling you got when you first touched your soulmate skin to skin. It was like being zapped with a joy buzzer - or so she'd been told. Once first contact happened, a soul bond would start to form (slowly but surely), and she refused to let that happen. Least of all with Captain freaking America. She didn't need his feelings of patriotism and righteousness projected in her head.

Rogers looked slightly confused when she didn't make a move, but then again, "hi" was a pretty generic soulmark. It was probably said to him a hundred times a day. Maybe he'd pass it off as a mistake if she played it cool. So she made a teasing remark about Phil Coulson's trading cards, and his expression eased, disappointed.