At this point in the relationship, I had been away from Chloe for about a month’s period of time once before. And, well, that didn’t go as smoothly as it could have. I wasn’t expecting the next time to be easier. But at the same time, I knew it wouldn’t really be harder. We both knew what to expect and what would happen.
When I was gone this time around, Chloe and I talked every day. One phone call a day. I summed up my day, she summed up hers. We said a few other passing comments. And when we were done, we were done. As boring and horrible to get through as they sometimes were, those phone calls were my lifeline during that first month away.
Every time I got off the phone, I marveled at how different our relationship was than the last time we were apart. This time, neither of us expected anything from the other. In some ways, we were incredibly more mature about the whole situation. The thing that was least mature of all was probably the fact that we never talked about our relationship or what was really going on. We were in an established relationship, and that was it. So, really, I had no idea what Chloe was thinking that month we started the new tour. I had no idea what her resolutions or determinations were. But I learned to have blind faith, and I think Chloe appreciated that.
In some ways, I wish that our relationship had ended before I left for this tour. Now, that being said, not everything after this point is bad. In fact, basically none of it is bad. It was all actually rather great. But looking back at Chloe and how much I loved her and all the things she said and all the things I said, I know that I should have let her go. I was so unfair to her. So selfish. And honestly, I can’t blame her for any of the things she ever said. It doesn’t make any sense, but now, after we’ve been broken up for however many years, I feel like I know her better than I ever did when we were together. I feel like right now, I could give her exactly what she wanted back then.
The sad thing is that, now, I miss her. So much. More than I ever had before. I don’t wish that I could go back, but I wish she could be mine again.
