Why Can't You Love Me

Chapter 6

"Oh looks like she is still here," I say walking down the stairs with Ian.          " Oh, guys! I made some cookies." Monica announces smiling at us, I sit at the counter making myself a cup of coffee. "Oh so now we're square for you abandoning us and everything." Ian comments. "Hey you too, watch it," Frank says in a warning tone, but I took that with a grain of salt.

"Are you two coming with us to Carl?" she asks us. "Yeah we're going to Carl's game, we always go to Carl's games because we give a shit." I convey with anger. "Alexis Ella Gallagher, I told you, do not talk to your mother like that." Frank seethes, the fucking audacity. "Surprised you remember my middle since you are never fucking here. And when you are, you're drunk as shit. You are just as bad as her except you're here to fuck everything up in our lives. " I responded, almost yelling. "And how dare you tell us how to treat our mother. You haven't even claimed you're mom's body from the morgue." Ian  tells him,when he doesn't respond it just proves that he's got nothing but shit to say. "That's what I fucking thought," I mutter walking out the house.

I sit outside on the steps, lighting a cigarette taking drag when I hear the door open behind me. "You're dad told me about the girl under the L. " she mentions while sitting next to me. "Yeah, well did he tell you that he's the reason she's not speaking to me anymore," I add because of course narcissist Frank wouldn't say anything he did wrong. "No he didn't." she says slowly, "Yeah, thought so." I snapped at her, I really didn't feel like dealing with her at all. "Well, you must be sad. I mean did you like her?" she questions"Well, when I was with Roberta, we were proud. It wasn't a perfect relationship but still..." when I didn't answer she started talking again. "Hey, how about you, Ian and I go out. I want to spend time with you guys," she tells me. I look back at her, seeing her eyes plead me to say yes. "I'll think about it," I say walking away.

I know I shouldn't forgive her so easily but for some reason, she makes it so easy. But if I forgive then it'll just hurt more when she eventually leaves again. Huffing I kick a rock in my path. Finally looking up I gasp at who was across from on the sidewalk."Hey," Mandy starts, I look back at her not knowing how to really have a conversation with her. "How's Mickey?" I asked her ,now looking down, "Good, always can hold his own in Juvie." She responds. "How was Bootcamp," she then asked me, adding to the awkward tension. "Good," I answer shortly, not really knowing what else to say to her. "I missed you," she states, causing my head to shoot up to look her in the eye. "You did?" I said grinning from ear to ear.

"Yes, I thought about you every day, morning through night." she was mocking me. I laugh at her and walk closer to where she stood on the sidewalk. "I missed you too," I tell her sincerely, I don't know how but this girl has me wrapped around her finger. She hugs me around my waist "I'm really sorry about the name-calling and the brother thing. I was just really scared of what my dad would do if he found out. You know how my dad is right?" she questions me "The homicidal homophobic nazi, yeah just a bit." I answer back and smile when she hits me in the back. I kiss the top of her head and whisper, "It's fine." I feel her hug me tighter and put her face on my chest, it just feels like everything is together again.

"Come on, I gotta get to Carl's game. The only reason I came out was to escape crazy Monica." I explained to her on my way to walk to the town's elementary school. "Can I come?" she asked me, causing me to smile glad she wanted to hang out with me. "Sure, you might be able to calm me down if Monica does some stupid shit. You know she wants to go out with me and Ian." I say to her as I put my arm over her shoulder. "Really, maybe she's actually trying." she suggested, "Fat chance but hey free drinks," I replied to her. "Do you know how long she's staying?" she asks, I look down at her and shake my head. "No guessing how long she'll stay. She just comes and goes as she please, it's fucking annoying." I voice exhausted, can't believe Monica can take this much energy out of a person. "Hey, it's okay," she tells me softly. I look back at her and can't help but smile at how her words just made everything that was wrong with my life disappear, even for just a moment.

We continued to talk up until we made our way to the bleachers, "Oh! You made it, the game was just about to start!" Monica told me excitedly, she was all dressed up in a cheer outfit with face paint. "Oh! Is this the girl you were talking about." She questions me, causing my face to turn red. I just nod my head and move to sit on the bleacher next to Ian. Mandy follows me and leans into my ear, "You talk to you mom about me?" she asks me, smiling, "Shut up." I mutter, she just laughs and kisses my cheek causing my entire face to be as red as a tomato. "Hey Lex, you okay there. Your face is a bit red." Ian observes, amused by my face, "Fuck off." I tell them but they just laugh at me

"Woah, Lex, when did you get back." Jimmy-Steve comes up to me and asks, "Don't you think I should be asking you that Jimmy." putting emphasis on his real name. "Ah touché," he says laughing nervously. "Why, you coaching Carl's team?" I ask, I still don't trust Jimmy-Steve, because for one he has a whole second life that he lied about, and two he deserted Fiona without a call or text. "To give back to the community." he answers, "Or are you trying to get back into my sisters pants." I suggest smirking."If it is the same as her good graces then yes." he replies grinning, then getting back on the field because the game was about to start.  We started cheering on the game as Carl was making great tackles and touchdowns, this sport was seriously made for him. The game continued in the same way with Carl's team winning with a very far lead.

I see Lip walk up the stairs to the bleacherand hug Debs who was on the ground floor selling water and beer. "Lip! Honey comes to sit down." Monica yells toward him, "What, I'm off the boat for one minute and there's a fucking mutiny." he fumes. "Lip, don't start shit," I warn him, this game was about Carl, not about him and Fi's problem and definitely not the problems he had with Monica. "Yeah, well no told you to get off the boat." Fiona reminds him, "Actually, you did." he counters. "Hey, don't be mad at Fiona," Monica says trying to defuse the situation but that just made things worse. "Hey, Monica, shut up. Like most of my life, this has nothing to do with you," he tells her. Some girl, who I am assuming is Jimmy-Steve's wife, asks where she can sit. "You're babysitting now," Fiona questions him. "No. Roommate," he answers. "Are you living at Steve's?" "Yeah, no curfews, no ultimatums. No befriending the enemy behind my back." he points out to Monica. Oh fuck, how are you gonna live with your sister's ex-boyfriend like it's nothing? I put my head down sighing.

————

Monica walks Ian and me into a club with so much smoke and strobe lights. "I and Bob used to come here. It's a great mix of gay, lesbian, bi, and cool breeders," she explains to us. "It's a little weird being out with you." Ian states and I nod in agreement because it was. I was only out to the people that mattered and the people who have been with me most of my life, and Monica didn't really fit either of those categories "No shame my babies," she tells us laughing. "But don't even think about coming out at school. Someone in that neighborhood will knife you two," she warns us. "Won't they card us in here." I ask her, "Nope, you guys are the bread and butter here. They need fresh meat to keep the old timers coming." she justifies. "Hey, Lex, three o'clock. That gal is totally checking you at. Oh, Ian, nine o'clock, he's kind of a looker." Ian and I looked to where she had directed us to only see not even the kind of hot older people but people who could be our grandparents. "No fucking way," I say laughing, Ian having the same reaction as me. "You're kidding, right?" he questions but she just laughs with us.

"Omg, you two are just so beautiful and you look so alike. Well no surprises, you two were born like nine months apart. You're basically fraternal twins" She tells us smiling. I was surprised she remembered that fact about, she has surprised me a lot since coming back out here. She invites us onto the dance floor and we reluctantly say yes. For now, she feels like a mother, and I keep telling myself that she's gonna crack and hurt us again. I keep reminding myself this but right now all I could think is how happy I am to be out with my mom.