Pod (On Hold For Now)

(Eight)

Zen could remember her life before, but remembering Kane was different. He had been her everything for years when they were kids. Not just a best friend but so much more. They were born together and had never been separated up until Zen turned thirteen. That was when she was kidnapped from her home. She closed her eyes and remembered so, so much. It made her heart ache.

The truth was she loved Kane. She couldn't deny it as things came flooding back. But she also couldn't deny what she felt for Rex either. Zen was torn and after everything that had happened, that was the last thing she wanted. She looked up and saw Kane's face, the same face she had shared every birthday with, the same face that had held her hand as she grieved her mother every year on her birthday, and he was the one who had promised her that they would marry on her thirteenth birthday. Before she had been taken.

"Kane...I'm sorry." Zen's voice was soft. "I wasn't thinking."

"Damn right you weren't!" He growled out and it rumbled through his chest. "There are so many ways I want to kill him right now. Every touch he gave you and you let him." His voice was cold and icy, the worst type of emotion he could bring.

"Don't do that!" Zen cried out. "Not now, not when I'm so...when I'm s-" Kane looked at her and she knew that he was hurt, but so was she. She was hurt and confused just like him. "Kane I'm not sure what I want." She admitted at last.

"Great for you then." His tone was still cold. "I guess waiting for you was a f*cking waste then!"

"Kane f*cking stop!" Zen moved up in his arms so they were face to face. "Are you telling me you actually waited? Are you a f*cking virgin?" He didn't answer but rather just looked at her. Zen knew the answer.

She knew she had right but she laid back in his arms and felt her eyes well with unshed tears. Zen told herself that she had no claim, no stake on him. Especially now. But that didn't stop her eyes from filling up with unwanted tears.

"Zen I don't give a f-" He stopped when he looked down at her face. By now they were back in her room and he was setting her down on the soft bed. "Zen are you crying? F*ck!" He cursed. "Baby I'm sorry." He pulled her into a tight embrace and stroked her hair. "The truth is that I did have sex, even though it was supposed to be you." He pulled back and looked her in the eyes thumbing away the tears that fell on her cheek. "It was going to be you."

"I know." Zen quietly sobbed. "But it doesn't hurt any less."

"Yeah I feel the same way." Kane told her. "Are you in love with him?" He suddenly asked, demanding to know the answer.

"I don't know." She admitted. "Were you ever in love with anyone?" Zen wanted to hear him say no, but then he hesitated and her heart shattered. "No, no, no." Zen groaned as Kane looked away.

"I never fell in love." He admitted. Zen released a sigh of relief but be continued to speak. "But I almost married someone." His voice came out calm and soft, but Zen knew he was p*ssed at himself for telling her.

"Why didn't you?" She asked her voice as light as feather.

"Because she left." His voice sounded almost sad, and Zen hated herself for being jealous. "She left because I was still in love with you." Kane told Zen. His eyes were focusing on her now, watching her every breath and her every movement. Without thinking about it, Zen leaned forward to softly kiss him. Not a hot and heavy kiss like Rex's but so soft like it was all she could handle at the moment. And to be honest it really was.

Kane seemed to know it too because he kissed her back just as softly. He was everywhere all of a sudden, and then she was sighing against him pulling him closer. It was different than kissing Rex. With Rex every touch was like fire burning her skin, but with Kane his touches shocked her to her very core. Why was she kissing him and why had she kissed Rex? Zen felt so conflicted and emotionally tied to both of them.