Pod (On Hold For Now)

(Fourteen)

Zen could feel her heart clenching inside her chest making it harder and harder to breathe knowing this was the last thing ever wanted to do. Especially to him of all people. But she had to. After Donte left she gave it some more thought honestly wondering if she should ever go through with this when she thought back to the incident with the spider, and how she felt when the spider tried to Rex. There was this intense powerful feeling that she hadn't thought of until now. She had this urge, this feeling to create chaos by killing this one spider and then she wanted to find more of the spiders to burn them all down the ground for hurting him. She would have never stopped if he hadn't stopped her. Zen didn't want to have something happen to him and then end up hurting all her people. It was risk she couldn't take. But that stop her eyes from watering which of course he noticed right away.

"Zen what is it?" Rex asked and he tried to touch her but the moment he did she moved away, trying to push some distance between them. It would things easier, or at least she hoped it would. "Zen what the f#ck?" His voice was suddenly p*ssed and he had a reason to feel that way. She was being hot and cold but he didn't know why. But she knew and every second that seemed to pass made things every harder to her not to take it all back and throw herself in his arms.

"Rex we can't be together." She kept her voice as calm as possible but inside she was breaking as every second passed. That was why she couldn't look at him because Zen knew that if she did it she fall apart looking into his green eyes. Just thinking of the look he probably had in his eyes made her eyes start to well up again.

"Zen what are you talking about?" Rex sounded so confused and he tried to move closer but Zen moved away again trying to keep him away. "Stop f*cking moving away from me!" He sounded more desperate than angry this time, like he couldn't believe this was happening right now.

"I can't." She squeezed her eyes shut tight and took a deep breath. "I can't because I don't want to be with you anymore. I want to be with Kane. I love Kane." It wasn't a complete lie. There was a big part of her that wanted to be with Kane, and she did love him. Zen wouldn't have said that she loved him if she didn't. But she never wanted to hurt Rex in the process, and in this case she didn't have much of a choice.

"So? I still want to be with you Zen, and we don't ever have to go beyond friends if that's what you wa-"

"That's what I don't want. I don't want you." Zen interrupted Rex and somehow she found the courage to turn around to look at him. "Starting tonight you'll be staying in a house in the village and we can't be friends or anything anymore. I don't want you." She said again but more to herself this time and instead of sounding confident her voice just came out confused. It caused the walls she was trying to put up to slip and her eyes started to well up again, which he saw.

"Zen that's not what you want, it can't possibly be what you want. " His voice was soft and soothing as he came in closer once again, but this time he managed to pull her into a hug which she couldn't seem to resist. "I can tell." For a moment Zen let herself melt into his arms and before she knew what was happening his lips were on hers. And suddenly he was kissing her, pulling the back of her head to shift her head closer to his. His lips moved against hers so soft and intoxicating that she forgot what she was doing. So for a fraction of a second she closed her eyes and kissed him back. Zen felt herself already missing his touch as he touched her, felt herself wishing for what could never be hers as his gentle fingers slid across her bare skin under her shirt. Tears welled up behind her eyelids and that's when she pushed him back, know if this went any further she'd forget about everything and end up staying with him. He stumbled away and shouted out curse words at her as he caught himself from falling on the floor.

"No you're wrong!" Zen yelled at him. "I don't want you and I sure as f*ck don't want you touch me!" She made herself glare at him, made herself seem mad and it seemed to work as his eyes widened. "Just stop trying. We're over. We're done."