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Fourtris

Tobias/Four
It's sad really that the bartender knows me by my order.
"Hey, it's whiskey on the rocks!" The redhead behind the counter says as she starts to pour me my drink.
I force a little smile as she slides the glass towards me and I throw a few bills on the counter.
I hate coming here...but it doesn't stop me from being here almost every other night.
I can't sleep anymore.
I haven't been able to sleep an entire night through since I lost her.
I take a sip of the whiskey and let it burn my throat.
I can't go there.
I can't think about her, not right now.
It'll only make it worse.
"Four?"
I turn around and find myself looking up at Cara.
It's been awhile since I've seen her and this bar is the last place I'd think to find her...or anyone that I know for that matter.
She's wearing a black tank top and blue jeans and her hair is tied back in a ponytail. She doesn't look like the other girls here, dressed in clothes that only could've been dauntless once upon a time but she doesn't exactly look out of place either.
"Cara...what are you doing here?"
She pushes her black-framed glasses up the bridge of her nose.
I know she doesn't really need them but they really do fit her face well.
"I'm meeting someone here." She says with a little frown.
"A date, kind of."
I nod a little bit.
"Oh. Interesting."
I turn away from her for a moment and wave at the bartender for a refill. When I turn back around I expect her to have wondered away but she's still here, staring at me.
"...What are you doing here?" She asks curiously.
I close my eyes for a moment.
I can feel the judgment in her voice and I don't like it.
I can drink if I want to.
I get enough lectures from my mother I don't need it from her too.
I lift my shoulders in a shrug.
"Drinking." I mumble swirling the amber liquid around in my glass.
She watches me for a long moment and then she slides into the bar seat next to me.
"Cool. Can I drink with you?"
I hadn't been expecting that response at all.
Maybe she isn't judging me.
I am not usually a social drinker but I don't want to be rude.
"I guess so..."
We are quiet for a long time, Cara watching the bartender make drinks behind the bar and me staring down into my glass.
"So, I have to be honest with you...I don't really like to drink."
I look over at her one eyebrow raised.
"This probably isn't the best place for you then."
She blushes and I feel guilty instantly.
Why am I always so mean?
I take another swig of whiskey and try not to wince as it goes down.
I let out a little sigh and resolve to try again.
"What don't you like about it?" I ask curiously trying to sound light and non-threatening.
She chews on her bottom lip for a moment before answering.
"Um...the taste I think? It's just really hard to get down."
I look her over for a moment and then shake my head slowly.
"No. You're just drinking the wrong things. Vodka, Tequila...you're probably more of a wine and beer person."
"How do you know so much about alcohol?" She asks curiously.
"I was in dauntless." I say quickly.
"...and I drink. Kind of a lot."
"Why do you drink so much?"
In lieu of answering her I flag down the bartender.
"Can I get a glass of white zinfandel please?"
The bartender nods and I watch as she pours a glass of the light pink liquid and hands it to me.
I push it towards Cara and she stares at it.
"It's pink." She says, a little smile pulling up the corner of her lips.
I nod a little.
"It's a dessert wine. Try it. It goes down really smooth."
She lifts the cup easily and brings it to her lips for a moment. Once she takes a sip she sets the glass on the counter and licks her bottom lip.
I raise my eyebrows at her waiting for a reaction but she just smiles at me.
"I guess I do like to drink."
I can't help but grin.
"Thought so."
I down the rest of my drink and gesture for another one.
"Four?"
I turn a little to look at Cara when she says my name.
"Are you...are you okay?"
Her face tells me that she is nothing but genuine in asking.
I close my eyes for a moment.
No.
No I am not okay.
I am the farthest thing from okay.
I can't sleep.
I can't think about anything but her and coming here to this bar is the highlight of most of my nights.
I open my eyes again and then shrug.
"Why do you think its okay to ask me that? We're not friends."
She blinks up at for a moment and I see the hurt flash across her face but she doesn't let it show for very long.
She stands up abruptly and grips her wine glass in her hand.
"Thank you for the drink." She mumbles and then she walks back in the direction of Christina and her friends.
I am terrible at talking to people.
I am even worse at talking to girls.
I wish I knew how to be nicer, but I don't.
I never even really knew how to be nice to Tris.
I take a deep breath and cover my face with my hands before downing the rest of my whiskey.
...
An hour and four whiskeys on the rocks later, I realize that I need to apologize to Cara. My rudeness had been uncalled for and I know that.
Cara had been perfectly nice to me and I am a jerk.
I can't keep shutting everyone out forever.
I scan the tiny bar area for her and finally spot her, pressed into a corner in a booth, a book open on her lap and an empty glass in front of her.
As I approach, she slowly brings her eyes up and away from the book to look at me.
I clear my throat awkwardly.
Cara immediately shifts her gaze back down to her book.
"Where's your date?"
She looks up at me for a moment, blinking.
"Excuse me?"
"I just...earlier. You said you had a date but you're still alone."
She rolls her eyes a little.
"I got stood up."
"Oh." I say, diverting my eyes for a moment.
"Yeah. Oh." She says, shifting her focus back to the book.
"Do you want to hang out?"
She slowly closes her book in favor of looking at me again.
"Excuse me?"
"I...do you want to hang out?"
"Oh, I'm allowed to talk to you now?" she says in a cutting voice.
"Yes." I say awkwardly.
She scoffs, grabs her book and stalks off towards the other side of the bar.
I take a deep breath and then I follow her.
She turns towards me, arms crossed over her chest and waits.
I let out a little sigh before speaking.
"I don't have a lot of friends. I don't know how to..."
"Have a conversation?" She says in an annoyed voice.
I shrug a little bit.
"Yeah...I...listen, I don't socialize very well or...at all..."
She shakes her head at me for a moment.
"I just asked if you were okay."
I lift my shoulders in a shrug.
"I'm not."
Her eyes move over me for a moment.
"I know that. Anyone with eyes can see that."
I look down at the sticky bar floor for a moment and then I shake my head.
"Yeah." We're both quiet for a moment and then I look up at her. "I'm going to go...I just...I wanted to apologize."
"Okay. Thank you."
I nod a little before I turn towards the door.
"Hey Four?"
I turn towards the sound of her voice for a moment.
"I do."
"You do what?"
"...I want to hang out, but just so we're clear hanging out would mean that we are friends. That would mean that I'm allowed to talk to you and ask if you're okay. Whenever I want."
I tilt my head a little and force a smile.
"Friendship granted then, Cara."
...
"Tris!"
I wake up in a panic, her name still on my lips.
I'm drenched in sweat and shaking so hard that I'm practically vibrating.
"Four? Are you okay?"
I turn a little and find myself looking at Cara.
I'd almost forgotten she was here.
This is the second night in a row that she's slept over. The first night had gone fine, tonight however isn't going to be the same way, I can feel it.
I nod a little.
"I'm fine." I run a hand through my hair. "I'm fine." I repeat, before pushing the blanket off, swinging my legs over and getting out of bed.
"You don't look fine-"
"Cara!" I say her name more forcefully than I meant to but my head is running a permanent marathon of Tris' dead body in my brain right now.
I can't think straight.
"I'm fine, I just need a moment. Give me a moment." I push through the bedroom door and walk the familiar path to the kitchen.
It takes me all of two seconds to grab a glass and the bottle of whiskey stashed underneath the counter and pour until the glass is half full.
I have to take three long sips before the shaking even begins to subside.
"Damn it, Tris." I mumble under my breath. "We've got to stop meeting like this."
A laugh that I hadn't expected escapes my lips and I drown it with another sip of whiskey.
"I thought you didn't do that anymore."
I turn around quickly, only to find Cara standing in the doorframe of the kitchen wearing nothing my T-shirt and watching me.
"Do what?"
"I don't think that's iced tea." She says softly.
I glance down at the cup in my hand and another laugh escapes my mouth.
"I lied."
"That's not funny."
I shake my head a little.
"I didn't say it was."
"You're laughing." I can hear the hurt in her voice but the alcohol is making my brain fuzzier and fuzzier.
"The situation is pretty funny." I mumble.
"What situation?"
"Cara, I can't sleep."
She takes a couple of steps towards me.
"Why not?"
"She's in my head...all the time and the only that makes me stop thinking about her...for just a moment..."
I shake my head a little.
"...is this whiskey."
She moves closer to me and reaches a hand out pressing one hand to my cheek.
"I need you to stop drinking, for real this time."
"I can't. I don't want to..." I shake my head.
"Just go...go home." I mumble.
She presses her other hand against the opposite cheek so now she's holding my face in her hands, forcing me to meet her eyes.
"I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to stay right here. I'm going to stay right here."
"Go. AWAY. Cara."
She shakes her head slowly.
"Not even if you burn this place to the ground am I leaving you here. Do you understand?"
I look at her for a moment and I don't know what it is, the look in her eyes maybe or the way her hands feel against my face, but I lose it.
My whole being collapses right there in her arms.
She holds me close to her chest, one hand continuously running through my hair.
"It's okay." She breathes quietly and it only makes it worse.
We stay like that for a long time, me falling apart, her doing her best to hold me together before I push her off.
I grab the glass sitting on the counter and throw it hard against the wall, then I do the same with the bottle.
It smashes hard against the wall and the liquid drips off of the wall and onto the floor.
Cara looks at the wall and then at me.
"Are you done?" She asks quietly.
I let out a breath and then nod.
"Okay."
"Come here..." She says softly and I find myself slowly shuffling my feet over to her.
She puts her hands on my waist and I put mine on her shoulders.
She leans up easily and presses her lips to mine, softly at first and the more aggressive, her lips working tirelessly against mine.
"Cara-" I mumble as soon as she pulls away but she cuts me off quickly.
"Listen to me, I am here for you. Do you understand that? I am here for you in any way that you need. Lose yourself in me, let me be what the whiskey is for you. Let me help you through it. Let me love you. Please."
I stare at her for a moment and then I kiss her, really kiss her like my life depends on it.
I push my hands under her T-shirt, my palms resting on her sides while she lets out a soft breath against my lips.
I can always tell how much she likes something by the way she breathes.
Cara is so different from anyone I've ever met and I need her so much more than I ever realized.
She breaks away from my lips for a moment the word 'bedroom' falling from her lips.
I grin a little and shake my head.
"We should clean up...the glass..."
She shakes her head hard.
"We'll do it later. Right now, I want to help you get to sleep. So, bedroom. Okay?"
I nod a little.
"Okay." I whisper. "...but we don't have to go all the way to the bedroom..." I mumble before covering her mouth with mine, my hands daring to touch just the right parts of her to make her practically hyperventilate against my lips.