Anxious [H.S]

Chapter 40: Just Stay Here With Me, Like This

Author's Note: Kenna's POV takes place while Harry and Leah are on their way to Boston.

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Kenna's POV:

For the past month I have been on my best behavior with both Olive and Leah. I'm surprised either of them forgave me. Leah was the easiest, I didn't even really have to say anything. I knew once I started crying she would feel bad for me, which she did. I could not read Harry for the life of me though. Olive was a bit more of a challenge, nothing worked for her, the apology, the crying, nothing. She only forgave me for the sake of the friend group.

Right now I'm getting ready to go out on a date, an actual date. I haven't been on one since high school. I'm really trying to better myself here and I hope that Leah and Olive see that and respect it. If I don't change I'm not going to have any friends and what would my life be without them. I know how horrible I can be but I really love them. Sometimes it's hard for me to figure out my feelings considering how monotoned my parents are. I don't think I've ever once heard them say I love you to each other or that they love me for that matter. I hear Leah and Harry say it to each other all the time. I don't understand why my parents couldn't say it.

I sit down at my makeup table and do a natural look. I actually know the person I'm going on a date with. I met him in my business class my freshman year of college. We've talked on and off since then. He has blonde hair and these incredible blue eyes, almost like the ocean. His name is James. I'm ready to be happy. If anyone needs happiness in their life it's me. Leah and Olive don't know this but I've started going to therapy. I don't know if it's working yet though because I've only gone once. I get dressed into an orange and pink floral dress.

I go into the kitchen, grab my keys, look in the mirror by my door one last time, and walk out the door. I get into the elevator and go down to the lobby. I walk out of the elevator and pull out my phone to text James that I'm my way.

"Kenna!" I hear from the other side of the lobby. It's Jacob.

"Stay away from me Jacob. This ended badly the last time," I say, walking past him.

"Oh come on Kenna, don't be like that," he says.

"I have a date, I'm leaving," I say, walking out the door to my car.

I get into the car and hit shuffle on Harry's album. I don't care that him and Leah are together, I'm not going to love him any less.

"Same lips red, same eyes blue. Same white shirt, couple more tattoos. But it's not you and it's not me. Tastes so sweet, looks so real. Sounds like something that I used to feel. But I can't touch what I see."

"We're not who we used to be. We're not who we used to be. We're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me. Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat," I sing out. Honestly, I know I'll never get over Harry. I've been in love with him since I was fifteen and he was on the X Factor. I'm at least going to try to suppress it for Leah's sake because if I don't and I get all crazy jealous like before, I'll ruin everything.