Some Day One Day (Maylor AU)

Chapter 70

Roger swallowed the lump that formed in his throat—the revelation not entirely new to him. He'd figured it out the night before—or really, earlier that morning—thanks to Sting. What felt strange to him, though, was that he wasn't shocked or scared by Chrissie knowing.

After all, what was there for her to do? She no longer had the hold over him that she did last year, with the opportunity she provided him with squandered and his slanderous connection to her ex-husband severed. Therefore, he had nothing to be afraid of. The worst she could do was manipulate Brian into staying with her, maybe by having another kid with him, but with the way the professor had fled to him this morning, Roger doubted the possibility.

What did scare him was what Brian said before that.

"You told her you loved me?" the blonde muttered, his voice barely above a whisper. "Why the hell would you do that?"

The professor shrugged his shoulders, speaking into his hands as he answered, "I don't know, Roger. It just came out."

This wasn't the first time those three words slipped past Brian's lips, yet back then, they were exchanged only between the two of them. In that motel room, the professor muttered those words out of desperation, believing that was the last time he'd ever see the blonde or get the chance to tell him how he truly felt. Now, they'd been shared with someone else, manifesting after months of sitting deep inside him, buried beneath the web of lies he spun to convince himself that he'd made the right decision. With that belief being compromised, though, the truth came out, and it terrified Roger that—despite his claim—Brian was still the same guy he was a year ago—madly and helplessly in love with him.

"So, you didn't mean it," Roger murmured in an attempt to sway the situation in his favor, hoping to understand it better in terms he was most familiar with. "It just came out."

"No, Roger, that's not...it wasn't...it wasn't like that," the professor stuttered, dropping his hands to counter—clasped together with fingers intertwined—and meeting Roger's gaze with exhausted eyes. "I did mean it. I do love you; I never stopped loving you."

The blonde bit his tongue, unable to say the same himself. Of course, he wanted to be with Brian, he had ever since they met last winter, but he didn't know if it was because he felt the same way or because he was just enticed by the idea of a fresh start.

The first reason seemed unlikely, with the ability to love—to truly love—so far gone for the blonde that almost all his relationships—with Tim, with Cheryl, with Geoff, even with Freddie—had become routine, as though they were his job (and for some, it was). However, Roger couldn't stand behind the latter explanation either, knowing that whatever was to become of Brian and him was bound to be more than just a "fresh start." Becoming a music instructor at Imperial College was a "fresh start"; moving to America was a "fresh start"; joining Stewart's band was a "fresh start." Running off with Brian wasn't, though.

It wasn't a temporary fix like the others were. They'd become each other's escapes; their way out of the bad situations they found themselves in; and being so close to the chance of actual happiness, of being loved by someone who had no intentions of abusing, manipulating, or hurting him like the last person who loved him did, the blonde didn't know what to think. He wanted to believe he deserved it; he wanted to believe it wasn't too good to be true, but with more than a decade of being told that all he deserved was Tim, he struggled to accept it.

"Never?" he repeated, the word coming out as a squeak and bringing a smile to Brian's face.

"Not once," the professor assured him, glancing back down at his hands and sighing. "You know, everything changed in my life since you left...except how I felt about you." He smirked and returned his attention to the blonde. "There wasn't a single thing I could do to forget that. I became a husband, a father, a music teacher...but none of that mattered because all I could think about was how you weren't there by my side."

Roger's cheeks grew warm at Brian's confession, but he remained silent, unwilling to let his guard down and admit that he couldn't stop thinking about the professor either.

"It's been a long year, Roger," Brian continued, straightening his posture and adjusting the shirt he'd hastily thrown on, "and I don't think I can handle another year like that, especially if Liz isn't mine."

"Well, you don't know for sure, do you?" the blonde rattled off, his happy ending approaching too fast for comfort.

The professor grew pale as he stammered, "N-No."

"Then there's a chance she's still yours, and if she is, Brian...you got to be there for her." Roger awkwardly crossed his arms over his chest, noticing the professor's furrowed brows and explaining, "Look, I just know what it's like growing up without a parent, and...and it really messes with you. I wouldn't wish that on anyone—not even Chrissie's kid."

"Hold on," Brian cut in, matching the blonde's stance and asking harshly, "Are you saying that I should stay with her?"

Fortifying those thick walls built around him, Roger bit his lip and muttered, "No, I just...I don't want you telling Chrissie a year from now that you fucked up and chose wrong again."

"What's that supposed to mean?" the professor nearly shouted, the sudden appearance of a customer denying the blonde the chance to answer. Brian stuck around for a bit while the unsuspecting customer—or really, partially suspecting customer, for they kept eyeing the pair as they reluctantly perused the racks of hand-me-downs—moseyed about. It became increasingly clear, though, that he wasn't going to get the answer he desired, with Roger reopening the magazine and skimming the pages once more.

No goodbyes were exchanged as Brian shoved his hands in his pockets and left the stall, stopping in the entryway to look back over his shoulder in hopes that Roger would try and stop him. However, all the blonde did was steal a quick glance out of the corner of his eye, staying in place and diverting his attention back to the magazine when he got caught.

The professor clenched his hands into fists and abandoned the small shop, disappointed that his distraction had only managed to take up an hour of the long day he had ahead of him and make him feel worse than he already felt about the situation he was in. Although Liz played a significant role in it, he hadn't considered the long-term effect his leaving would have on her. No matter how much he wanted to be happy himself, Liz was still his everything, and the thought of taking her happiness away in order to attain his didn't sit right with him.

As soon as Brian slipped inside his vehicle, he dropped his head to the steering wheel and groaned. His visit with Roger had the opposite effect he'd hoped for, giving him even more to think about. The entire ride home, all he could hear was Roger telling him, I don't want you telling Chrissie a year from now that you fucked up and chose wrong again.

He had no idea what he meant by that—that's why he asked—but deep down, he did know. He knew that, in the grand scheme of things, he and Roger had only known each other for a short amount of time, and the only thing Roger knew about him in situations like this was that he sat on the fence, testing both options over and over again until the decision gets made for him—if it hadn't been made already. Therefore, Roger had no reason to believe that Brian had the capability to make a choice himself and stick with it, which is why he could see history repeating itself and the professor crawling back to Chrissie; confessing to her the same things she confessed to him. Of course, Brian knew that wasn't going to happen—his patience worn thin and his morals greatly tested—but what could he do to prove that to Roger?