Some Day One Day (Maylor AU)

Chapter 85

"What do you mean he's going to kill you?" the professor shot back with an unexpected burst of energy, the shock with which the blonde's statement was met ripping him away from and out of Roger. The blonde grunted at the sudden loss, the inevitable soreness spreading through him faster than it would've had Brian taken his time like he did upon entering. He squirmed uncomfortably, letting the professor's question go unanswered as he wallowed in the discomfort that his confession inflicted upon him.

"Well?" Brian urged.

Roger let out a frustrated sigh and sat himself up on his elbows, meeting the curly-haired man's concerned gaze and explaining, "I just have this bad feeling, Brian, okay? Something's not right. He didn't seem like himself when I saw him today."

"And so that means he's going to kill you?" he tried to understand. He'd only had so many interactions with the brunette in question, none of them pleasant, but the professor didn't think the man was capable of murder-especially the murder of the boyfriend he was so possessive over.

The blonde groaned. "I don't know."

Brian propped his arm atop the back of the couch and rested his head in his hand, trying to find the answer Roger clearly wanted him to discover. The problem was, Brian didn't know Tim like Roger did. He didn't know how to bring him back from the ledge; to talk him down from his moments of passionate spontaneity. Whether that spontaneity be positive or negative, it didn't matter. Only Roger knew how to keep Tim at bay, but lately he'd grown tired of that responsibility. After all, he'd been doing it for ten years.

He wanted more out of life than to be his boyfriend's babysitter; they were adults, for crying out loud. The days of their youth were long behind them, and as much as they might've liked things to be the way they used to be, Roger and Tim were no longer the two teenage boys who spent their days holed up in the latter's bedroom, lying on his messy mattress, drinking their afternoons away, and stealing kisses behind closed doors. They didn't have many friends back then; and even now, the only "friend" they-or really, just Roger-could name was Freddie. All they had was each other, which perhaps could be why this was all so difficult for the blonde.

Yes, he wanted to be more independent, and yes, the thought of wasting another day worrying about Tim made him sick to his empty stomach, but being there for the brunette was all he'd ever known. He hadn't realized it yet, but he wasn't ready to abandon his best friend, the only person who stood by his side when his family kicked him out; when Tim's dad found out about them and kicked him out too.

It was sad, but Tim was one of the only constants-if not the only constant-in Roger's life. Being who he was and doing what he did, one day could be drastically different from the next, but Roger could always count on coming home and seeing Tim. It didn't matter if he was in a good mood or a bad mood; if he had showered or spent all day in bed and reeked of liquor. Seeing him came as a relief to the blonde, knowing that he was there—that he'd always be there. Could he say the same about Brian?

"You told Tim you didn't want to be with him today, right?" the professor finally blurted out, lifting Roger's gaze from his lap.

"Yeah," the blonde muttered shamefully, as if he wished he could take back what he said, take back everything he'd said that got him to this moment right here. He wished he could take back his "Hey man, do you happen to know where I can find...Christine Mullen? I guess she's the headmaster or mistress or something." He even wished he could take back his "But isn't your wife due back soon?" that sparked this whole mess.

"And you thought you didn't mean it, but Tim said you did," Brian repeated the story that Roger had told him. He nodded his head in affirmation, prompting Brian to ask, "Well what about me?"

The blonde's eyebrows knit together. "What about you?"

"Do you want to be with me?" he elaborated, that classic redness creeping up in his cheeks. "I mean, you know I want to be with you. I wrote a whole fucking song about it." He threw his hand at the notebook that lay flat on the ground, its page bent at the corner. "And I'll probably write ten, twenty more, but what about you? Do you want to be with me?"

The question weighed heavily on Roger's shoulders, commitment being something that he hadn't had to think about since Tim suggested they get married. He'd never been fond of the idea of settling down with someone, and the only reason he'd stuck with Tim for so long was because he didn't see it as "settling down." It was just the way things were. There was no discussion about becoming each other's boyfriends; there was no discussion about exclusivity—only arguments over Tim using brief affairs as punishments for Roger's "bad behavior."

Their relationship didn't function like a conventional relationship; perhaps because they weren't conventional people. Brian was, though, and the only path he saw him and Roger taking was a path that Roger had no desire to go down. It wasn't that he didn't want to be with the professor, and it wasn't that he wasn't in need of a change. It was that he knew how dangerous that path was going to be. He'd already lived in the world Brian thought he wanted to live in; he knew how people were treated and the risks that came with pursuing the life the professor saw for the two of them. Brian didn't know any of that. He was naïve, innocent, and unprepared for what being together really meant. Roger had to say no, for Brian's sake, yet he couldn't find the words. He never could find the words.

"That's a silly question," he finally answered with a nervous chuckle.

"I don't think it is, Roger," the professor disagreed, yanking his trousers back up over his waist. "I'd say it's actually very important." He struggled to zip his pants but eventually succeeded, leaning back into the couch and tipping his head towards the still half-naked blonde whose face had drained of all color. "Because it's never going to work out for us if you can't answer that question."