Loving Severene

Chapter 01

Severene

It's almost past midnight ngunit hindi pa rin ako makatulog. Ilang araw din kasi akong nagpuyat para sa finals namin, malamang ay nasanay na ang katawan kong magpuyat hanggang madaling araw.

Nang hindi pa rin talaga ako makatulog ay mabilis akong bumangon at nagtungo sa kitchen.

"What do we got here? Hmn..."

As I opened the fridge, I was hoping to see a wine or a can of beer in there, but there were none. I'm just seeing some vegies, cold water and a box of cupcakes in there. Oh geez! Bakit ngayon pa nawalan ng alak ang fridge na ito?

"Tsk! Wrong timing fridge..."

Feeling disappointed, I got my hoodie and immediately went out to buy some liqour in the store which is more likely two blocks away from our house. That's the only store that opens 24/7 though.

I'm not afraid anymore, sanay naman na akong ginagawa ito eh. And I also badly want to drink alcohol this time. I badly want it. Iyon na kasi ang nakasanayan kong gawin kapag hindi ako makatulog. Drinking.

Tsh!

I felt the cold breeze of the wind as I walk and trying to observe the quiet street. Iilan lang ang nakikita kong sasakyan at may kaunti pa naman akong taong nakikita sa paligid. Ang iba ay mga nagtitinda, nakatambay lang, at mga naglalakad.

I almost cuss when someone threw a can of beer in front of me. Muntik na akong tamaan, mabuti na lang at mabilis akong nakailag. When I turn my gaze on the direction where the can came from, I saw a familiar face which makes my brows furrowed.

Is that Samuel Gavi Cortez?

Nakumpirma ko ang nasa isip nang mag-angat ito ng tingin sa'kin ngunit walang reaksiyon ang makikita sa kanyang mukha. Sarkastiko pa nga itong natawa nang makita ang lata ng beer na nasa paanan ko.

Ano naman kaya ang ginagawa nito sa labas ng ganitong oras?

Malamang, baka uminom din ito. Whatever it is, it's not my concerm anymore.

If you're wondering if Gavi and I were close? Well, it's a no.

I just know him, hindi ko lang alam kung kilala niya ako, but I highly doubt that.

We study in the same university, and sino nga ba ang hindi nakakakilala sa kanya doon kung isa ito sa mga kinikilalang heartthrob. But in my case, I can't forget him dahil sa mga kagaguhang ginawa niya noong mas bata pa kami.

How can I forget the guy who put some surprise gifts in my bag during our elementary days. If you thought that those surprise gifts that I was talking about were loveletters or chocolates, you're wrong. Those gifts were meant to scare me. Those were frogs, cockroaches, and the worst was the little snake in the bottle. Geez! I got goosebumps whenever I think of that moments.

And when we were in highschool, he was just rude kahit hindi ko naman siya pinapansin. I remember the time when we were grouped to make a circuit in Science class, he never participated. Ang ending ay wala kaming output, at wala kaming score. Luckily I managed to talk to my teacher at nakapagsubmit pa rin ako kahit may deduction na ang score.

Dahil sa naramdaman kong inis nang maalala ko lahat ng iyon ay sinipa ko ng malakas ang lata ng beer pabalik sa kinaroroonan niya at tsaka madaling naglakad paalis.

When I arrived at the store, I immediately grabbed my favorite brand of red wine, some can of beer, two bottles of soju and some snacks that I want to eat. Of course, I never forgot to buy my favorite chocolate bar. I'm kind of a sweet tooth. Just sharing some info.

I noticed the new face of the cashier when I went to the counter and habang inilalapag ko ang mga pinamili ko ay hindi nakaligtas sa'kin ang reaksiyon niya. He's giving me that judging and questioning look, but I chose to ignore it.

"Sorry Ma'am but we're not selling alcohols to a minor..."

I raised an eyebrow after hearing what he said through his baritone voice. I crossed my arms on my chest and looked at the cashier-guy, I don't know if I will feel insulted or flattered by what he said. But one thing is for sure, he's starting to be annoying.

"I'm not a minor anymore, I'm already 19 years old. And in order for you to be less annoying, here's my I. D. " inilabas ko mula sa aking wallet ang I. D. ko para ipakita sa kanya. Sinadya ko namang itapat iyon sa pagmumuka niya, noong nakita kong bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya na parang hindi naniniwala ay parang gusto kong isampal sa pagmumukha niya iyong I. D. ko.

"Severene Castillo... Hmn... You look younger..." the dimple in left cheek was visible when he smiled at me.  Tsh. He didn't even bother to apologize, but the hell I care.

"Can you make it fast, please? It's already late..." he just gave me a simple nod before doing his job. It took some time before I handed the payment and left the store.

Nang makauwi ako ay agad akong kumuha ng baso at yelo bago pumunta sa sarili kong kwarto.

1:28 am

That's what I saw in my digital clock before pouring the red wine on my drinking glass. I took some shot before I strode my way to the kitchen with two spicy cup noodles in my hand. I suddenly felt like craving on a spicy seafood noodles, that's why.

I'm not really like this before. Literally not. It's not actually my thing to drink alcoholic drinks or doing something unusual. But after that incident and knowing something about my life, I kinda changed a little bit. And just like what I'm doing right now, nakasanayan ko nang gawin ang mga bagay na hindi ko ginagawa noon.

Ilang oras din akong uminom, ibinuhos ko na lahat ng wine sa aking baso. Sakto namang narinig ko ang isang sasakyang pumarada sa harap mismo ng bahay namin.

It's already past three when I glanced at my digital clock in my study table. Kasunod non ang dinig kong pagbukas ng pinto sa baba. I already have an idea on who that is, but I don't actually care.

"Umuwi pa siya... Tsh..." I let out a sarcastic laugh before drinking the wine and immidiately went to bed.

I tried to close my eyes, but it seems that the feeling of sleepiness that I'd felt earlier had vanished. I felt an emerging anger instead, then the feeling of regrets and longing follows.

I'm always wondering kung ano bang kasalanan ang nagawa ko noong mga naunang buhay ko para makaranas ako ng ganito. I don't deserve to be hurt, and the worst about that ay ang sariling taong malapit pa ang nagparamdam sa'kin ng ganoong sakit.

It's been a year and yet, hindi ko pa nakakalimutan ang mga pinagdaanan at nasaksihan ko ng mga araw na iyon. Those memories from yesterday were haunting me, which makes me cry every night.

Ilang peklat pa ba ang kailangang matamo ng katawan ko?

Para hindi na ako makaramdam ng sakit?

Ilang gabi pa ba ako kailangang umiyak?

Para makalimutan ko na lahat?

Ilang masasakit na salita pa ba ang kailangan kong marinig?

Para lang makaramdam ng pagmamahal?

At hanggang kailan ba ako magtitiis?

Hindi ko na kasi alam kung hanggang kailan ko kakayanin.

Having a problem is inevitable, feeling some sort of pain is inevitable too. But I think I don't deserve to have those kind of problem and pain.

Sabi nila, kung ano ang itinanim, iyon din ang aanihin. But I disagree with that.

Why?

Because all these past few years, all I did was to love, forgive and give chances. And now all I have is pain, anger and regrets.