Ninjago Angst Week

Helpless

*pokes* Hello again! I'm back with another one-shot for Ninjago Angst Week.

Here's Day Four with the prompt as Helpless, and it's Nya's turn at the angst stick. And well, it's about Cole's fall in Season 10, and since Nya blames herself for that, I thought it'd be interesting to write something about it. It's short (really, really short, actually, now that I think about it), but I'm satisfied with it, although I gotta say that it's not really the best. . . . ;-;

But anyway, without further ado, here's the angst fic!

I DO NOT OWN NINJAGO.

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Everything had seemed to pass by in slow motion, and yet at the same time it all seemed to rush past her in a blur.

She had heard the unmistakable snap! of the ladder, the horrified voice of Jay screaming out Cole's name, the panicked movements of her team as they all rushed to the side of the Bounty.

But not her. Not Nya.

And when she had listened to her brother describe the frightened look on Cole's face, the terrified screams of Cole as he fell into the dark Oni cloud, she was grateful that she hadn't been there to watch him fall.

Even though it was all her fault.

The dark tendrils had trailed into the air, threatening to drag the Bounty down, and—even if it broke her heart even further—Nya had to get out of there, pressing the button to boost the ship forward, way out of reach of the Oni cloud. She'd let herself get pushed aside by her brother as Kai tried to turn them back, tried to risk everyone's life to save one brother, and then Zane was there with all that— that stupid logic, that it was too late, and they couldn't save him. They couldn't save Cole.

And Nya had been helpless to do anything about it.

If only she had remembered that stupid lever—

If it wasn't for her, Cole would still be alive. If it wasn't for her, he'd still be here with them.

And then P.I.X.A.L. had called, telling them that she had Lloyd and Garmadon, that she was running out of fuel. Nya was determined this time to save them in time, even as Zane had told her that they might not be able to, but she hadn't paid attention. She'd only pushed the Bounty to its very limit, zooming through the sky. She wasn't going to lose anyone else.

She wasn't going to be helpless this time.

And she wasn't. She'd caught PI.X.A.L. in time as the Samurai X mech crashed onto the deck. She remembered feeling relief at knowing that the female nindroid and her little brother were safe—safe and alive.

Unlike Cole. Cole, who had fallen to his death because of a fatal mistake that Nya had made.

And she would never forgive herself for it.

Nya took a deep, shuddering breath, her fists clenching as she sat with her legs dangling in the sky. She blinked twice, staring down at the drop below, at the darkness which had covered almost the entirety of Ninjago. She wondered what it would be like to— to just let herself fall over, let the darkness take over her like it did to Cole.

Furiously, she shook her head to herself. What was she thinking? She couldn't just willingly leave the team like that, she couldn't give them one more person to mourn and grieve. They'd already lost Cole, and they'd almost lost Lloyd and P.I.X.A.L. They didn't need to lose her either, even if it was her fault that Cole was gone.

Nya choked back a sob, raising a hand to cover her mouth as new tears streamed down her face.

It's funny, how similar this was to a few months ago, how she and Lloyd had been struck with that same earth-shattering grief, that same devastating shock, their heart shattered into a million pieces when they had thought that the others had died. Even when they'd learned that it wasn't true, that Kai and Zane and Jay and Cole and Wu had actually survived, the pieces had never really taped themselves together. Nya had seen it—seen how Lloyd yelled at his father, and she knew that neither of them had truly healed from the grief.

Only this time, it was different. It wasn't Lloyd watching them die, knowing there was nothing he could do to save them. This time, it was Nya's fault that she had to let Cole die, knowing that there was something she could have done.

She hated feeling helpless.

Her fault, her fault, her fault—

For the second time of her life (the first being the first time she'd felt like this), Nya wished that there was a way to turn back time, to start everything all over so she could fix her mistakes, so she could remember that lever and make sure Cole never fell—

All she could remember, though, was the echo of Cole's last, fearful scream, the most scared she'd ever heard from him. He didn't even spend his last moments happy. He'd spent it scared, helpless, falling, away from his family.

Nya pressed her palms to her eyes, not even trying to stop the tears from falling, the grief drowning her in an endless sea of guilt.

It's both ironic and fitting, to have the Master of Water drown in her own mistakes.