Secrets & Lies

11| Wishful Thinking

I glanced at my watch again and groaned. Then I took the damn thing off and sat it on my patio table. 

I was sitting on the patio of my hotel room smoking a cigarette. I've been repeatedly checking the time, counting down the minutes until Logan would get here. I had tonight all planned out. Well, kind of. I didn't want to assume sex was going to happen, but I wasn't going to deny that I wanted it. God, how I wanted it. I remembered all too well what I was missing with Logan. But I also knew that there was a possibility that it might not happen tonight. 

Oh, well. I still had wishful thinking on my side. 

I glanced at my phone again and grimaced when I saw Vanessa's name on the call log. I wasn't expecting a call from her so early this morning. She wanted to let me know that she was extending her trip a few days. Every time I talked to her, I felt more guilty. There was no excuse for what I was doing. I wasn't going to be all Clinton about it and call it something it wasn't. I wasn't being faithful to her. I made the decision today that I needed to be honest with her. Not about Logan and everything that went with that, but to the fact that I lied about where I went and that I cheated. But that would be handled when I got back to the city. 

I wasn't going to worry about it tonight. I couldn't. Tonight was about me and Logan. 

After admitting that our dinner was an actual date, I felt a little—I don't know—different. I'm not saying I was going to join a fucking PRIDE parade, but it felt like I was moving in the right direction. Like a piece of my crazy puzzled life was falling into place. It gave me new sense of confidence where Logan was concerned. 

That's why tonight I was going to order room service for us, get some booze, and put on a movie or something. Then we'll see. Even if we didn't end up in bed together, it didn't matter. I just wanted to spend time with him. I didn't know how much longer we were going to have for whatever this was. Even worse, I had no idea if I was going to see him again if he got married. 

"Fuck it." I grabbed my phone and clicked on his name. 

Me: Don't be late tonight. I can't wait to see you.

It was about ten minutes before I got a response. For a second there I thought he was going to bail on me. Again. 

Chime--chime

Logan: Be patient. I just got out of the shower. I'll be there on time. Since when did you become so demanding? ;)

My face broke out in a smile. I definitely wasn't a patient person—at least not where Logan was concerned. 

Me: Guess you bring it out of me.

Me: What kind of booze do you want tonight? I'll go pick it up. 

While I waited for his response, I walked back into my room and pulled a cold soda out of the mini fridge. I sat it on the patio table and took a seat in the chair I vacated. I still couldn't believe I was here. I didn't regret dropping everything and coming to see Logan. I just regretted the other consequences. 

Chine--chime

Logan: White wine.

I frowned at his suggestion. He never really like the sweet stuff. 

Me: You sure? 

Logan: Yeah. I want to be relaxed tonight. Not drunk.