Secrets & Lies

25| Cabin Bubble

Have you ever heard of an out of body experience? Because I think I was having one right-fucking-now. There was a humming sound in my ears as I tried to comprehend what Logan was saying. It took me a few minutes to think of something to say back. To figure out what I wanted to say—what I really wanted to say. Because no matter how terrified I was, Logan deserved the truth.

But as I sat across from him right now and saw that raw emotion in his eyes as he looked at me, it became quite fucking clear what I wanted. What I needed. It was Logan—it's always been Logan. Once the thought passed through my mind, it dawned on me that I've always known that I wanted to be with him. I just hid behind the mind-fuck my parents did on me. 

I cleared my throat before I answered him. "I want you." The words started tumbling out of me. "Fuck, Logan. I want to be with you. I've wanted you this whole fucking time. I've thought about what it would be like to be with you. To really be with you and do the whole relationship thing."

Logan's mouth nearly dropped to the floor. "What did you just say?" 

I leaned forward and cupped the side of his face. "I want you."

Logan's eye slid shut briefly. "You have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that."

When I smiled and leaned in for a kiss, he pulled back a little.

"What is it?"

He suddenly looked very uncomfortable. "How is this going to work? We want to be together—and that's fucking awesome. But you still have a girlfriend and I need to deal with my family."

I understood where he was coming from. For him, this affected more than just what his parents thought. It also affected his future. I didn't think his father would keep him from working for him because of this, but I couldn't say for sure. I didn't know his parents that well.

As for me, I needed to talk to Vanessa in person. I had no idea if she was going to want to try to work this out, but I was going to have to be honest with her. I couldn't be with her. Not when I was pining for the man in front of me. It wasn't fair to any of us.

I ran my hand through my hair, trying to think of the best way to explain this. "Logan, when leave this cabin bubble, we can deal with all that. Can't we just enjoy this right now? Just...be together?"

"Vanessa?"

I knew what he wanted to hear—and I needed to say it. "I'm going to end it with her. I want you. Not her." It was as crystal clear as that. 

The expression on his face was doubtful. After our history, I wasn't that surprised. I just needed to prove it to him. I wanted to give this—us—a real shot.

Without saying a word, Logan got up from the bed and started walking towards the bathroom. I didn't follow. I waited patiently until he came back. He always said we were a mess. He wasn't wrong.

I heard the sound of the water turning on in the bathroom and my mind went back to that time I fucked him over...

"So," I snapped, "did you just bring me here to fuck me?"

Logan leaned forward and brushed his lips against mine. "Would you leave if I said yes?"

I should. I should leave right fucking now. I should grab my keys, get in my car, and get the fuck out of here.

But I knew that wasn't happening. That's why I was so pissed off—because even though I knew what I should do, common sense seemed to be non-existent where Logan was concerned.

"No," I whispered, unable to deny him. "I wouldn't." 

After it happened that night, I woke up next to Logan and I panicked. I panicked and I said a lot of things I didn't mean.