The Social Tragedy Called A Potterhead

He Will Notice Me

        Continuation of I Had No Idea and Maybe He's Not So Bad.

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        It's been a week since I started trying to please Tom and he hasn't noticed a change. Is there something wrong with me? I don't understand why he hasn't seen a difference! I started working harder and harder each day to where my life is now fully focused on the Death Eater lifestyle. No more little trips for me or nice nights as home, I sacrificed a lot just to possibly be noticed by the man I work for.

        He WILL notice me.

        He WILL praise me for my hard work.

        He will say," Miss Ryan I applaud you on your skills. Please join the higher ranks of my army, I need you. I need you to help achieve my goal. Without you it is nearly impossible."

        This is all I need, if he notices me everything will fall into place. Everything Will be okay.

        Wait. Sky what are you doing? Why does any of this matter to you?

        Realization hit. I'm addicted. He is like my dealer and his attention is my drug. It is what I need now to properly function. I do not know what to do anymore if I go a day without getting so much as a nod from him or even a glance. Last time he talked to me I got so flustered he gave up and walked away without even turning back. Am I that bad?

        Do I not look okay? I mean I do have mousy brown hair, bright blue eyes and thick black frame glasses, not a bad body and overall I would say a pretty nice smile. Oh that's probably it, I smile too much now maybe he finds my happiness around him like a weakness. Ugh stupid girl why didn't you think this through?! He does not like emotion!

        Okay Sky, you can do this walk into the meeting room and show him you can be exactly what he needs.

        Pacing the kitchen trying to hide from my fellow Death Eaters I start to panic.

        "I'm going to mess this all up", I whisper so quietly I barely hear myself, "it's going to be what finally ends my time here. He will want to send me out and never have to deal with me again!"

        I start to hyperventilate, oh no please not now. Not here. What if Tom saw me like this, maybe Bellatrix or even Lucius. They would never let me live this down.

        No they will not see me like this. I have to make Tom proud. I just have to.

        "Just walk on in there and show him" I say to myself one last time before making my way to the silent meeting room, nobody but Tom is in there. He looks so powerful just sitting there in his chair reading. He looks up and smirks at me.

         My heart drops.

        This does not seem good.

        "Ryan, why are you here. everyone is out for the day. Come to bother me?" He slyly asks while looking me up and down, taking in my whole appearance.

        "I have come to talk to you Tom..." I say confidently, holy shit that seemed believable.However his face twisted into a scowl when I mention his real name. Maybe that was a mistake. 

        "Why?" He harshly asks, yep that was definitely a mistake. Way to go Sky way to go.

        "I have uh... a proposition for you." I slowly start to walk closer to the table.

        His eyes twinkle as that phrase creeps out of my mouth.

         This is it.

        He WILL notice me if it's the last thing he does. I will not give up on him or this. I need this.