heather; akaashi keiji

eighteen

 I may be half as pretty

"Do you mind if we talked?" Akaashi said "Please." He said holding onto my hand

"Of course Keiji." I said letting him guide me

"I wanted to say I'm sorry." He looked at the floor "I just got so excited with us winning and." He tried to explain "It feels like you are mine but you are not, so it confuses me a lot and I know you told me to wait and I am but it just happened out of pure instinct." He sighed looking at me "I don't want to fuck this up." He sighed again

"I understand Kei." I said holding his hand "I don't want to fuck this up either and I just want to be happy." I said making him nod "But I do need time to do so and be able to accept you and everything." I whispered 

"I'll wait forever if I have to." He said making me giggle

"I don't want you to wait." I swallowed the know in my throat "I want you to have a normal life with a girl and if we're meant to be then we are." I cupped his cheeks "It's not fair for you to wait for me because I have mental issues." I looked into his blue eyes my favorite eyes forever

"Koemi." He said "I'm going to be here the time you need to heal." He said looking around my face

"Promise me something?" I whispered 

"Don't make me do it Koemi." He whispered his voice breaking 

"Don't forget this feeling." I said "Please promise me to never forget how your heart feels with me." I pleaded a single tear rolling down his cheek 

"I'll never forget this because I'll feel it for a long time." He said sniffling

"Akaashi." I said my voice breaking 

"Don't call me that." He cried

"My love." I whispered "I'm sorry." I mumbled pulling away "I'm so so sorry." I whispered turning my back on him 

"Koemi!" He called running behind me "Koemi!" He kept yelling but I was already running away "Don't leave me." He cried and my heart broke with him 

I couldn't possibly be with him. I'm too damaged. I'm not useful enough. My days are counted anyway. I don't want him to get to attached to me. I wiped my tears while my phone vibrated in my pocket. If I'm being honest I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'll even go but my legs just keep going. The sky at this point has beautiful golden hues with touches of pastels throughout it. My mind was a powerful weapon and I was tired of it being used against me, I want to learn how to live with it in harmony and peace. This pain couldn't be for evermore right? It had to end at some point , I wanted it to end. I truly wanted to be with Keiji but it's not letting me, how can I provide him peace and love if I can't even provide myself with that. My feet came to a halt when the loud honking noise filled my ears and my eyes realized where I was. The fear overcame my body and made fall back onto the concrete. My body shook as I tried to crawl back into safe territory far away from cars and the street. 

"Is that Koemi?" Akaashi's voice filled my ears "Koemi!" I couldn't move "Koemi!" 

"Are you okay?!" He frantically asked holding my face while my chest dropped and raised quickly

"I." I breathed out looking into his blue eyes "I'm sorry Keiji." I choked out wrapping my arms around his neck

"Koe." He breathed into my neck "You scared me, I thought I had lost you." He held onto my head hard 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have stormed off like a little kid." I mumbled still looking into the street "I just thought that maybe it was better for me to not exist anymore but." I pulled back my golden eyes pouring into his "I'm scared of dying Keiji." I lowered my head