Suicide

Chapter 4

I started to cry. I didn't know where I was or how I got here. Am I in a dream? No, I wasn't I heard the car unlock. My mom slipped into her seat and drove to the front of the hospital. She told me I needed to get out, so I got out. Once I realized what was happening I broke down. I was getting committed. But why? Did she know about me cutting? Does she want to get rid of me? What was going on with my life? My Mom looked at me and said "Hanna you're going to stay here for 1 week. I can't handle you anymore." I cried of course than walked into the hospital. They asked a whole bunch of questions and I didn't want to answer any of them. They had to weigh me so I stepped on the scale, 117 LBS...damn I'm fat! I still had tears rolling down my cheeks as we walked down the hall. They said they had to take my phone and any other things I had with me. I started screaming at them that they can't do this to me. Ten or twelve doctors ran over to me and were grabbing my arms and legs. Than my mom walked up to me, grabbed my phone, the necklace my bf gave me and, my razor blade that I keep with me 24/7. She turned around and walked out the door without saying, I love you or goodbye. This made me feel even worse about myself. The doctors were still holding on to me as my body went numb. They told me I had to wear their doctor suit and I couldn't take it off. They drew my blood to make sure I wasn't doing any drugs and than put me in a room. In that room was almost nothing. A bed with a pillow and one blanket, a shower that you have to push the button ever 10 seconds, a toilet, a sink, and curtains. No windows no nothing. This was better than school but I still didn't like it. The needle in my arm hurt really bad but I had to keep it in. There was absolutely nothing to do but sleep. I wasn't tired at all, I wasn't hungry and I wasn't happy. Heck, when am I happy. Days past and nothin happened. Same things everyday, you had to eat otherwise they'd make you stay longer! I didn't want to be here any longer so I ate. The food wasn't too bad and you got to order your own food so it wasn't like torture, but the worst thing is eating when you're not hungry because when I do that I puke, so they made me stay 5 extra days. Just because I was puking. Oh my god anything I did was wrong just like at home! One of my friends has been here and she tries to get committed she likes it here! I'd rather die than be in this place, everything is white and dull! Makes me sick how everything was white, everywhere you look white,white,white! Never black,blue,purple or green just plain old white. Well anyways today was my day out if the white wall room ( that's what I call it ). When my mom arrived she seemed like she didn't want to see me. She acted like I wasn't even her daughter. I didn't want to cry she'd make me go right back in but guess what I did I started crying. She asked me if I was okay and I told her; "No mom, I feel like you don't want to see me I feel like you don't care! You put me here with out saying good bye or I love you, you didn't pick me up saying I missed you or are you okay, you didn't ask me anything you just did nothing." It was all silent now and she ignored me till we got home and than it totally changed she asked me questions and than she started crying. Was I too harsh? I didn't know what I did wrong so I just left her alone. As she pulled into the garage I hopped out of the car and ran up to my room. It's was 7:45. I saw my phone laying on my bed and I had to 1,000 notifications. So before bed I checked them than went to sleep.