Suicide

Chapter 6

My mom didn't even care she just sat there watching me cut myself. I just wanted her to care and to do something about me cutting, not just sit there. I was already upset and she not doing anything about me cutting made me feel worse. My friend died, she said it would be okay and no, its not going to be okay she was my everything. I feel worthless and alone without her. Now what emotions was I going to feel? She was gone and I felt like nothing at all. I hated they way that I got treated, they always treated me like crap. They always say its going to be okay, I can't believe that! Nothings going to be okay i have a fucked up life and nothing can fix it! I've gone to you so many people I have to go see and they dint help they just make things worse. Oh, I stopped cutting and I was too busy saying ski this crap to realize I was bleeding...a lot! My bed had a huge puddle of blood right below my leg. I started crying and yelling at myself for being so stupid. I didn't know why the hell I kept cutting..I knew I was depressed but I still didn't understand, why do I have to be depressed why can't it be somebody else! I had a terrible life already. Could I just have a day where everything is perfect? Just one fucking day. That's all I want is one day, but we all know that that is never going to happen. Anyways, I was cleaning up my legs which had stopped bleeding and had dried up. I asked my mom for a couple things of stain remover, she didn't ask any questions...she just gave it to me. I was surprised said thanks and than went back up my to my room. I shut the door and grabbed a wash cloth, ran it underwater and than squeezed out the extra water. I sprayed the spot where the blood was and started to rub away the stain. It wasn't coming off. I started crying than started punching my wall and banging my head against the wall. I hated myself and I screwed up everything. I should just stop trying. I need to give up! That's it I'm going to give up, I'm done trying and I'm fine being alive. Life sucks and I hate living here! If I screw up everything why am I still here? I should've killed myself by now...Nobody would notice or care anyways.