Suicide

Chapter 5

When I woke up I see Sallie just sitting on my bed twirling her long black hair. Sallie is the worst voice I have in my head. She is the one who makes me have anxiety attacks all the time, well only if I don't do the things she asks me to do. Anyways, I ignored her. Acted like she wasn't even there. It was the hardest thing ever because she is always there! Where ever I go right in my way is Sallie...most of the time I'll get out of her way and people will stare at me, laugh at me and look at me like I'm crazy this is why I hate going in public. I get judged and people make fun of me, they have no right to do that! They dont know what I'm going through or how messed up my life is. I just go out in public and be myself and every body feels the need to fucking judge me!!! I didn't do shit to them but they do all this crap to me. All this crap made me feel worthless and like crap. School was worse than public but I still hated going both places. The stuff that they did to me made me feel like a was nothing. Anyways I had to take a shower because I smelt like a sweaty girl and that was nasty. I brushed my hair and grabbed a razor and hopped in the shower. I turned on the hot water about half way and than the cold water about half way. They water was perfectly warm, just the way I liked it. I shaved my legs so when I cut i didn't shave and make them really bleed. After I finished shaving I started cutting away on my wrist. I still had some cuts from the other day but I still cut anyways. it burned since the warm water was pelting against my cuts and the blood was dripping off my arm. The bottom of the shower was now a red, the blood went down the drain and than I stopped. Turned off the water as a sharp chill ran up my spine, wrapped my cuts and than put a towel around me. As I was walking upstairs I tripped and my moms boyfriend said "Could you be more careful god!" I didn't mean to trip and this wasn't his house, he didn't even live here but he had the guts to try to control me and shit? Wow. I ignored him and walked in my room, shut my door, and got dressed.I was feeling lazy so I French braided my hair and than started to do my make up. I barley put on make up, my mom thinks I put on too much. I put on mascara eyeliner and pimple cover up. Like really? Like bitch please you put on a whole bunch of shit. Anyways, after I was done with my make up the worst thing happened. One of my only friends had cancer, she died today. I got a text from her mom and I broke down in tears. My mother ran up to my room and asked me what's wrong I told her that Ash died. My mom hugged me and said she was so sorry. I didn't know what I was going to do without her..she was my everything! I grabbed a razor and started cutting myself over and over, it hurt but I didn't sven anymore.