What You Never Had

Chapter 5 (M)

Under any other circumstances, the sight of Jin with his mouth gaping with shock would have amused you to no end. However, this was no situation to laugh about. You, the Princess Royal, were garbed in a dress belonging to your lady-in-waiting, standing in front of the room of a man in plain view; the room of your Royal Guard, no less, late at night when you were supposed to be asleep in your own chambers.

"Your Highness! What are you doing here?" He hissed, sounding surprised, a little angry, and more than slightly panicked, but he had the sense to lower his voice down so he didn't attract any attention.

"Let's talk inside," you said instead, gently placing your palms on his chest so you could push your way into his room. Now that you were here, you felt less hesitant, enough to make that bold a move, and Jin was still in such a state of astonishment that he allowed you to cross the threshold of his sanctuary without any arguments.

At once your eyes swept the expanse of his room, quickly adjusting to the lack of light. You'd never been in a guard's room, but the furnishings were similar to the ones in Ji Eun's room. The small stack of papers on a desk in the far corner of the chamber, the deep colour of blue of his bedsheets, as far as you could tell in the dark and the lack of feminine knick-knacks made the space look more masculine.

If it was possible, you would have looked more closely to the details of the place Jin spent most of his nights in nowadays but a soft click of the door from behind was a reminder that you were here for a reason. However, you waited. Suddenly nervous again. Part of you searching your brain for something to say, the rest of your mental capacity trying to deal with the full realisation that you were in a man's room. You could feel his eyes burning holes through your back, but you were determined to ignore him in favour of collecting yourself, at least for now. Until –

"Why are you here? Have you completely lost your mind?" He demanded as he walked away from the door towards the large wooden table. A small lamp was lighted, illuminating the room with a soft, yellowish glow. You shifted your gaze towards the source of light just as he turned his back on it to look at you.

Cast into the shadows by the light shining behind him, the contrast made the planes of his face stand out, emphasising his beauty and robbing you of breath. However, his slanted brows and sharp eyes told you that he was waiting for an answer. Still, it took you several moments to gather your wits together to form a response.

"I'm worried about you," you said softly, not wanting to give him more reason to be angry with you than he already did.

"Worried about me? Why?"

You didn't answer. Somehow being in the same room with him alone was affecting you more than you would have expected. The glimmer of the lamp was soft and too small for the big room, the muted light unable to reach the other end of the chamber. In need of support, you walked further away from him, sitting at the foot of his bed instead of the hard chairs near his desk.

This position put you in the darker side of the room, making it hard for Jin to see your expression. Unable to make out your face and sensing that no answers were forthcoming, he crossed the space to stand in front of you.

"Tell me." It was almost an order, a need to know why you were here in his chamber on your own at this hour.

"You looked really upset earlier. Even after the feast. On the way back, you seemed down-spirited," you finally responded as you looked up at him with wide, concerned eyes. "Are you still angry with me?"

"Angry with you?" He said incredulously. "I am not angry with you." When you didn't look convinced, he moved his hand to palm the side of your cheek. The gesture made flowers bloom inside your being even as your heart thudded with increasing force as seconds ticked past.