Forever, Ginny

ginny

Harry couldn't stop thinking about her.
Ginny.
Ginny Weasley, the best chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, Ginny Weasley, the most popular Gryffindor girl in her year, Ginny Weasley, the sweet but fiery girl that Harry could never get his mind off. Merlins beard, Harry couldn't really focus on anything but her.

Her flowery scent, her loud but funny laugh and the way she said his name. With a little tilt when she pronounced the 'a'. The way she never put up for anyone's bullshit; she's fearless. She's independent, strong, funny and kind when it was earned. She stood up for those who couldn't do it for themselves, was a mischievous prankster like her older twin brothers, and relentlessly teased Ron as a hobby.

Ron.

She's Ron's sister. and Ron didn't take well to Ginny dating, though he couldn't do anything about it. She was very clear about that part. Yet, so was Ron. Harry very much remembered when he and Ron caught Ginny and Dean snogging. Couldn't forget it, really. Harry had to disarm Ron to stop him from going after Dean and murdering him. Although he sort of wanted to go and hex him as well.

It was in the middle of a nice sunny day and Harry was laying near the great lake, eyes closed, elbows crossed behind his neck. It was a Saturday after all. He was in a deep train of thought filled with Ginny, horcruxes, Voldemort and especially Sirius. Everything was crazy right then, and trying to deal with all of it with people around was too much. He thought like this a lot. He liked to be alone, so other people didn't overwhelm him. God forbid him having a panic attack in the center of the Gryffindor Common Room - everyone would talk about Harry Potter being mental for weeks.

Harry seemed to get overwhelmed a lot after fifth year and the harsh battle that took place, including Sirius's death. Hermione said it could be PTSD, ( post traumatic stress disorder ) and as much as Harry appreciated Hermione and Ron trying to help, by suggesting therapy, going to Mungos and applying - Harry thought it was a lot to take in. Plus, there was no way that the Daily Prophet wouldn't cover that - he could see it now.

It was always a lot to do by himself. But he couldn't ask Hermione or Ron.

Hermione was smart and one of Harry's best friends, but she was a lot and her facts and reasoning were like a slap in the face to Harry. Sort of alarming and embarrassing to hear all at once, with her talking about his feelings as though he were a small child who could explode at any moment. Ron and Hermione talked and treated him like that a lot, and it made Harry feel rather small and fragile. Not that he didn't appreciate her, he was sure he wouldn't be here if it weren't for her - she was like his rock, his shoulder to cry on - but Harry wasn't ready for all of it yet, and though he knew Hermione was most always right, he couldn't deal with all of the emotions with a war raging on.

Ron, on the other hand, didn't know how to handle the feelings stuff. He wanted to help Harry and talk about what he was feeling, but was awkward about it. Harry still cringed at the day when Ron tried to talk to him about Sirius and how Harry was coping. It was a lot of "erm"s, "uh"s, "i'm sorry mate"s - it was quite awkward. Ron was more of a friend who's there to calm you down when you're angry or hype you up when you're excited, someone to be their to stand up for you, rather than me the source of comfort and reassurance. Ron's like his brother, but not a heart to heart kind. They ended up talking about how Ron had a obvious and hilarious crush on Hermione - making Ron flush rather red, letting Harry know that he was right, even if Ron wouldn't admit it.

So Harry decided to push those feelings away, those anxiety attacks, (as Hermione called them) and those days when he couldn't get out of bed. (Blue days, he called them, Hermione said depressive episodes or heavy minded hours).

Those days were really hard. He couldn't seem to get his mind off of Sirius, Voldemort, and especially when he possessed Harry. How Voldemort sounded hissing in his ear, all through fourth year, and second year - now all the time in his nightmares. It wasn't as frequent as last year, but he still had similar nightmares every night. He thought about his parents. The war. Not hearing from Remus in months, and him not returning any of Harry's letters. Being shut away all last summer. Those horrible Dursleys. He didn't like to think about them, for they had physically and mentally abused Harry, but on blue days, it's all he could do. Dwell.