Forever, Ginny

wheres harry?

GINNY POV:

I wake up sleepily, and realize that Harry isn't here. Immediately i get up and pull on my shirt that's somewhere messed up in the covers. I'm getting up to go get him. I rub my eyes cartoonishly, and without thinking I crawl out of the bed clumsily. I forgot about our morning ritual of me sneaking out while Ron is asleep or under the Invisibility Cloak. A great mistake.

Ron is at his desk scribbling away on parchment when he turns around to face me, probably expecting Harry or Neville. "Oi! You finally woken up you lazy git, you're lucky I let you sleep in most of-" He stops talking and let's his jaw drop, gaping at me frozen while creeping out of the bed. His face at first looks like a fish, mouth in a perfect 'o'. I fight the urge to laugh, and punch him at the same time.

"Ron, let me explain." I say carefully, trying not to lose my patience.

"Did you sleep with him? You've only been together for like three months!" He scowled, his ears turning red. I rolled my eyes at him, much to his annoyance. How could he think that we had sex in the dormitory with him in it? Along with my ex-boyfriend too!

"No, Ron, we did not sleep together." I glare at him, putting my hands on my hips like I've seen mum do - it always works to intimidate them. " Even if we did, what's it to you? We've been together for more than three months and I've known him since I was ten!"

"You're fifteen!" He spluttered, trying to find reason.

"You're sixteen, and you had no problem eating Lavender Brown's face off every five seconds barely a month ago." I sigh, already losing my motivation and passion for the argument, just wanting to find Harry.

"Well, restrain yourself from shagging in our dormitory!"

"We didn't shag Ron, this is getting old. Me and Harry are dating and we're going to do things you don't like, so I suggest you get over it now before you spend the rest of your life yelling at us every time we kiss!" Trying to get ahold of myself, I take a deep breath, restraining myself from punching him in the jaw. I usually never get this emotional when I argue.

I'm just so tired. I need to find Hermione. I need to find Harry. They can help. Hermione being the voice of reason and Harry the voice of comfort and protection. I storm out of the dorm and slam the door without waiting for a response from Ron, and run down the stairs looking for Harry.

While running down the boys staircase, I bump into Hermione on accident and she gives me a sympathetic smile before I can apologize, seems like she heard the argument. I groan and fall into her arms, collapsing in her embrace.

"I heard you and Ron yelling," She said gingerly, her voice soft and reasoning, "You know Ginny; I'm sorry, I've tried to talk to Ron, it's just he's just so protective of you. He cares a lot and I think this is his way of showing it." She says gently. I sigh, and squeeze her tight.

"Thanks, it's fine, I know. He just needs to let me and Harry do our own thing sometimes. We didn't even have sex and he's already screaming at me. Harry wasn't even there- where is Harry?!" I interrupt myself and I peek around the common room for his messy hair. Hermione looks at me confused, her eyebrow quirked.

"I thought he was upstairs with you? He usually lets Ron scream himself out before asking him to a game of quidditch or something. I haven't seen him all morning!" I can feel the nervous butterflies make their way into my stomach and I start to worry. Hermione spots my expression. "Don't worry, he probably took a walk. I've known him for six years, he just needs space sometimes, he's a pretty solitary person, feels like a burden to everyone, to be honest. He needs to be by himself to think. He doesn't like to express his problems to others. I've tried to talk to him about it but he has this survivors guilt and a fear of being weak, or being seen vulnerable."

I mull these thoughts over and i frown. Harry does have a lot going on all the time. He needs to let it out, he internalizes to much. He's always blaming himself, especially when Sirius died. He thought he deserved to die. I know this because I erm-I accidentally read his journal.

june 2nd, 1996

i don't know if i can take it anymore. flashes of sirius' face as he fell into the veil haunt my memory and dreams every night and day. his last words taunt me. every day i have nightmares about him, and though dudley doesn't taunt me about it, vernon sure does. i fight the urge not to fight back because he took my wand after i yelled at him one time. he punched me in the mouth that day.
and then of course sirius's last words hurt the most.
"nice one james!"
that rings in my ears every minute of every fucking day. it's too much. it was my fault. i fell for the trap. i fell right into it. i played through Voldemort's game and now i'm the reason sirius is dead. all of my attempts to do something right and it dragged sirius to the ministry. if i hadn't done anything, sirius would still be here. perhaps he wouldve been proven innocent. he died a framed man. all of it because of me.
i haven't told anyone about this. i cant burden then with my problems. ron would pity me, hermione would suggest me to get a muggle therapist and ginny... she doesn't like me anymore. she doesn't need me bashing her with my troubles. they would find out about the cuts.

the what?!? Ginny had thought, but she didn't have time to think about it because she was already late for her date with Harry. She ran out of the dorm and dropped the book.

*TW SELF HARM*

"I need to find him. What if he's cutting again-'' I cut myself off and put a hand over my mouth. Shit. Hermione wasn't supposed to know, I'm pretty sure that I'm the only one who knows about it.

" If he's what again?" Hermione asks, her face pale. " Ginny, what's going on?"